Do I want my friends to be happy? Absolutely. Do I want to hang out in a group setting? Of course I do. Unfortunately, 3 is more of a crowd than a group, if you know what I mean. No matter if it is three platonic friends or two who are in a relationship and one on the side, having a third wheel is inevitable, and somehow it always ends up being me.
Being the third wheel while simultaneously being in a long distance relationship makes for the worst combination possible. I'm already feeling alone and missing her greatly so being forced to be alone while you're with other people is even harder. Although it hurts, I have gotten used to it and it only makes me cry when I think about it at night.
To my friends who are about to read this and feel awful, please don't. I know you don't mean to do this and I know you'd never hurt me intentionally. However, consider these few things the next time we're in one of these situations.
1. Include me in conversation, but not because you have to.
Not being included while I'm sitting right there is the epitome of being the third wheel. It is awful, but not the worst. The worst thing is when I am included but only because I'm sitting there in my own silence. Forced conversation is extremely noticeable and even more awkward. Include me if you want to, or just don't ask me to hang out. I'd rather be alone by myself than be alone with you. I promise I'll be less offended if I don't get an invitation than I will if I am ignored in plain sight.
2. If I get up and walk away, please don't chase me.
Sometimes being the third wheel becomes unbearable and I have to immediately remove myself from the situation. At this point, I am either upset or angry so please just give me my time to cool down. I promise I will come back, eventually.
3. Don't say a word when I try to introduce new people into the friend group.
There is really honestly no better way to say this but you make me lonely and I'm trying to fill the friend void. I need somebody to talk to while your lips are on each other. I need somebody to sit beside in the back seat. I need somebody to do things with while you lie in bed. If they're weird, I'll give them the boot, but you can't expect me to be alone while you're not. Trust my judgement.
4. You don't have to feel bad.
As your friend, I don't want you to have to cater to me. I'm not the sun and the world does not revolve around me. Even though I'm hurt from time to time, I'll be okay. It's more of a me problem of than a you problem. I want you to live your life and enjoy every second of it. I'll support you in whatever you do and whoever you do for that matter, just remember I'm there from time to time, okay?
5. We will always be friends.
I am honored to be your third wheel because I know you're a true friend. You aren't using me for what I can give you and when you aren't being all lovey-dovey, we are the three best friends that anyone could have. I also know that you'll always root for my happiness even when my love is hundreds of miles away.
All I ask is that you never be inconsiderate and you always let me in the loop when you need alone time. I hope you expect the same from me because I promise to give it to you. Just know, when my girlfriend comes to town, we will be the four musketeers and the third wheel will be obsolete.
