I officially came out my junior year of high school after breaking it off with my boyfriend because I felt no romantic feelings toward him, much like the other guys that I dated before him. I decided to stop dating because I thought it was expected of me. I didn't realize at the time that I had other options, but my big "light-bulb" moment came after a game of Truth or Dare, and I found out that I liked kissing girls way better than kissing guys. Growing up, I wasn't really exposed to many members of the gay community. My parents weren't against gay people (my dad loves the fact that he doesn't have to worry about his oldest daughter accidentally getting pregnant), it's just that I didn't come into contact with them. Because of this, there were a lot of things I didn't know before a came out.
1. Gay tropes are just, well, tropes.
Not all gay people are like the ones shown on television and in movies. Growing up, I only saw stereotypical gay men and the "curious" women who were into girls but eventually found "the right guy." I had no clue that these stereotypes were not necessarily the norm within the gay community. It was interesting to find out that not every gay guy I meet acts super feminine.
2. We are an important part of history.
I didn't know that gays have been fighting for their rights for decades or that gay men and women have been erased from history just because they were gay.
3. There are people out there who want me dead based on my sexuality.
I didn't realize that a person's hatred could go so far. I didn't realize that it was possible to live with the fear of facing the end of a gun because someone decided to take it upon themselves to rid the Earth of the likes of me. There are those who will bully me and those who will harass me, when I wear my "Nobody Knows I'm a Lesbian" tee to the grocery store. I will be approached by old white men who tell me that I need Jesus. There will be a countless number of people who would rather see me dead than thriving. I think this was one of the hardest truths I had to learn.
4. There's no right way to be gay.
Stereotypes are just stereotypes. I don't need to fit a certain mold in order to be the "right" kind of gay. I can be whoever I want, I can dress how I want and I can act how I want. The only one who can decide my sexuality is me.
5. There's no easy way to find other people that are gay.
My gaydar is literal crap and some people consider it rude for others to ask what their sexuality is. If I assume someone is gay because of how they look, I'm basing it upon stereotypes. But if I don't, chances are people are going to get offended one way or another.
Needless to say, there are still things that I'm not sure of. I don't understand some of the different sexualities, I've never fully participated in a Pride Parade, and I've never been to a gay bar. I'm still not exactly sure how to approach girls and let them know I like them in a gay way. But, I'm hoping that I'll eventually become comfortable enough to be one of those bra-clad lesbians that you see at Pride, waving their flags in the air and being perfectly comfortable with their sexual identity. Until then, I have some research to do.
