As my freshman year of college approached, I was anxious about every aspect of college life. I decided to live with a high school friend to help alleviate some of the nerves of leaving the safety of home to enter uncharted territory. Despite the horror stories of rooming with friends, we decided to take the chance because, honestly, how hard could it be? We were both good friends who were fairly laid back and got along well. We thought there would be no conflict so dramatic that it would end our friendship. Needless to say, I lost a good friend by the end of that year because I didn't fully realize what came with living with a friend. Plenty of people successfully live with their best friends and never have problems, so don't let me make you think you're doomed. Reflecting back on how I lived that year, there are some situations I wish we handled differently that are crucial to learning to live with a friend.
Set boundaries, even if it seems silly.
You may think there is no need to establish clear boundaries since you know each other so well. It's important to realize that your boundaries within your friendship may differ from the boundaries in your roommate's home. While you may have shared everything when you hung out, that doesn't mean they're fine with that where they live. If you live in a dorm, roommate contacts can really help lay all the boundaries out without feeling under pressure. If you don't live in a dorm, still consider sitting down and constructing a roommate contract to make sure everything is said. Don't assume the same rules apply from when you visited their home to when you now share a home.
If something is wrong, speak up respectfully.
We tend to cut our friends a lot of slack when they do something to moderately upset us. We push back our feelings so we avoid confrontation because fighting with a friend (especially a roommate) is the worst. Don't bottle your emotions up because the pressure will eventually make you combust. Talk to your roommate, tell them what is wrong and how it makes you feel (I know this sounds cheesy but, trust me, it's crucial). Most importantly, avoid confronting them when you're in the moment and angry. It is easy to get wrapped up and forget that just because you've been friends for so long that doesn't mean they can actually read your mind. Take a step back, let the anger pass, and confront them respectfully. Don't place blame. Mutually discuss what is wrong, why it upset you, and how to move on. Tip: Ice cream always helps to make these conversations less awkward!
Grow with each other, not against each other.
This is probably the biggest downfall in my situation. College is a time of growth and development. You will both step outside of your comfort zone and try new things. You will both make mistakes and both do incredible things. You will both grow. Grow with each other. Don't expect for either of you to be the same people you were in high school. Your gut reaction may be to resist the change in your friend because we naturally take comfort in things staying the same. Grow with them. Enjoy their new qualities. Understand their mistakes. Appreciate who they were before, and who they are now. It is easy to look back and complain that someone isn't who they used to be. Look back and realize you are not who you used to be either, and accept change.
No matter how much time you spend together, living together is different.
You may know their entire family, how they live, where the food is,and spend so much time there that even have a key to their home. That doesn't mean you fully know what it means to live with them. There was always a break, always time you spent apart doing personal things the other may not have seen. You are going to see each other in a different light. Remember that we all need our own space and want to be alone, sometimes. Living together requires a lot of understanding and learning. It isn't always easy; It takes work. You'll learn as you go, and things will be fine if you listen to each other.
Remember that even if you don't click as roommates, it doesn't mean you aren't friends.
So many people end up losing a friend when they don't work out as roommates. Some people don't click as roomies, and that's OK! Learning someone's habits and the dynamics of how they live isn't easy. You will both be living in new settings and be a bit out of your comfort zone, so some people don't click as roomies, and that's OK! Don't let the fact that you don't have the same way of living stop you from the amazing friendship you had.
Disclaimer: Plenty of people successfully live with their best friends and never have problems, so don't let me make you think you're doomed.
