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Politics and Activism

The 5 Stages of Shopping: Men vs. Women

The cycle will never end.

Hannah May Pratt

Mar 29, 2016

Central Methodist University

114

instablogs

There are five stages of shopping for girls and guys. They slightly differ in order, but both males and females go through the same five stages of emotions throughout a day of shopping. Ladies seem to start the day strong with a lot of joy, while guys are dreading the drive to the mall and will do almost anything to get out of attending the dressing room with you. But something changes during the middle of the day.

Girls

1. Excitement

"Today is going to be so much fun! I'm going to find at least 10 new outfits!"

Every girl is excited to go shopping even if she doesn't want to admit it. We are always stoked when we pull into the mall parking lot. The options are endless. Where will we go first?

2. Frustration

"Yes, yes. I see your wide array of clothing. I'm just looking for something that looks good on me maybe, or has enough fabric to cover my stomach...and my back...at the same time. Do you know of a store where I can find that?"

We go into four "first" stores and we don't like anything. Maybe shopping isn't as fun as we last remember or something..

3. Hope

"Oh I remember why I like this place. Sale items!! Who doesn't want something half price?"

We finally walk into the right store that is having a huge sale, and all our frustration is gone. Everything off the clearance rack fits just right and we suddenly recall exactly why shopping is so fun!

4. Anger

"I think this shirt is in the wrong place."

"Oh, that's okay. I love it so much, I'll buy it anyway..The original is how much? I wouldn't spend that on six of these shirts! Nope. Never mind. I still hate shopping."

The frustration is back! We go right back to hating shopping because the sale item we found was on the wrong rack or the bogo stuff is priced like you're a billionaire.

5. Denial

"The clearance sticker must have fallen off. There is no way this is actually worth more than my car."

We walk up to the register and all the zeros pop up when the lady scans it, but it must be a mistake, so we ask her to scan it again..four more times. Yup. That jacket is actually more valuable than my kidney and half my liver.

Guys

1. Denial

"What? Did you say cleaning? Yeah, I'd love to clean the bathroom for you sweetie."

Guys will do anything to get out of leaving the house to go shopping. The door thats been creaking for a month? You bet they're willing to fix it now, but too bad! The door can wait cause we're getting in the car!

2. Anger

"I don't wanna."

They were being all nice at home, but now they're quiet and angry. They don't want to go into any store at all, but you're too happy at this point to care. There are just so many great stores you want to go check out.

3. Frustration

"Yup. Looks great. Butt looks big, or small, or however you want it to look. Can we leave now?"

They just sit on a bench while you're in the dressing room and complain about how many productive things they could be doing at home instead of watching you try on dresses, but then they see something they might like. Whole new ball game, folks.

4. Hope

"You didn't mention that there is a Cabela's in this place!"

You can't find a single thing you like except for stuff too expensive to even think about buying and then they find the outdoors store in the place. Don't get me wrong. I love hunting too, but I can't even find a pair of sunglasses that fit me right, and they find every single item they've ever wanted in one building.

5. Excitement

On the car ride home, the tables have turned. Guys are always so excited for all their new finds and we have one little bag in our lap of perfume ... that we let them pick out. They're driving home grinning ear to ear, while you're sitting in the passengers seat thinking about what could have been if life just wasn't so expensive.

Men will always have the upper hand in shopping. Everything fits and they find sale items when they're looking for the bathroom. It just isn't fair. We girls will always be stuck falling in love with an outfit for it to only be ripped out from under us by the bank because the price tag is outrageous. So keep on acting like you don't want to go shopping, boys. But I know the truth. We all know the truth. You love it more than we do and we have to admit, you're typically better at it than us too.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

The 5 Stages of Shopping: Men vs. Women

The cycle will never end.

Girls

1. Excitement

2. Frustration

3. Hope

4. Anger

5. Denial

Guys

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Frustration

4. Hope

5. Excitement

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No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

Please hold your blonde joke.

1. "Is Elle Woods your spirit animal?"

2. "Is that your natural hair color?"

3. "Oh wow, you get good grades at school?"

4. "You must really like the color pink!"

5. "You’re probably not into sports, right?"

6. "You must have such a bubbly personality."

7. "Your wardrobe must consist of all things preppy."

8. "What sorority are you in?"

9. "You were probably a cheerleader in high school."

10. "You look like you’re from L.A. because your hair is so light."

11. "You definitely like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes from Starbucks!"

12. "Do you actually think blondes have more fun?"

13. "You must encompass the typical “white girl” stereotype."

14. "Is that daddy’s credit card you’re using?"

15. "So all of your friends are blonde too?"

16. "I’m surprised about you; I thought you would be a lot ditsier."

The world's greatest university meets the world's greatest show.

1. When you get your acceptance letter

2. When you try to figure out how class enrollment works

3. When it’s move in day

4. When you arrive on campus and see all of the attractive people

5. FROG Week

6. When you find your squad

7. When you visit DHall (RIP) or EHall for the first time

8. When you take on way too many credits

9. When you go to your first party at JMU

10. When the rival school shows up for the homecoming game (or any game really)

11. Sunday Brunch

12. When you see the infamous “preacher” for the first time

13. The first snow day

14. Madipalooza

15. When finals week rolls around

16. When you have to say goodbye

17. And when you finally get to go back

Do you have a small get-together or throw a big bash?

1. Your family and friends ask what you want for your birthday, so you give them a list of options.

2. You're super excited about your birthday the week before.

3. Your family flies in town to celebrate with you.

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