This story begins as any other tragedy. You're in a world full of broken dreams and iPhone chargers. Struggle, defeat, failure. The time has come; your iPhone charger is breaking. The tragedy you've seen time and time again, and have fallen into the same vicious cycle. New iPhone charger. Disappointing iPhone charger. Broken iPhone charger.
There you are, wiggling your charger in every direction, trying to get as much juice as you can before it's time. Twisting and turning, holding it in strange positions, until you hear the dreaded sound. The sound you know means heart break. (The sound you can only hear if your phone's volume is turned up). Betrayal. Worse than the romantic tragedy of "Romeo and Juliet," the tragedy of you and the iPhone charger. Ding, your phone says it's charging, but wait, ding, now it's not, ding, oh never mind it is, ding, death. It's over. Those six dollars you spent on your 14th 7-11 iPhone charger, gone.
I think we can all agree when I say Apple should stop making new iPhones and start making more reliable chargers. I have bought my fair share of fake chargers, but I also have bought the real deals. And the real deals don't last me that long either. Apple, what is your problem? Because it's not me, it's you.
I have lost count of how many iPhone chargers I have had to buy in my lifetime. I would probably guess at least 25, but who's counting? I would like to take this moment to shout out the chargers that stuck around for more than two months. We had an adventurous journey, but all good things must come to an end. People ask me why I have commitment issues, and this is why. I can't have one iPhone charger before it goes breaking on me, leaving me in shambles.
Here are the five stages of grief: iPhone charger edition
1. Denial.
Everything is going fine. It's been a few months, and your phone has been charging fully every night, but all of sudden you wake up with 30 percent battery. Confused and in denial, you push it aside. "I must have not plugged it in right," you say to yourself.
2. Anger.
Sleepless nights pass by. You wake up in a cold sweat, worried that your iPhone may die in the middle of the night and, therefore, the alarm will not go off in the morning. You get frustrated and throw your iPhone against the wall, because there's no way this is the charger's fault. You then proceed to passive aggressively hate on everything around you.
3. Bargaining.
You then turn to God. Bargaining with him. "God, if you don't let this charger break on me, I will never sin again," you beg. You bargain with the iPhone charger itself. Twisting, taping and gluing it. Surely all it needs is love and the right angle. Maybe if you twist it to the left and wrap it around your iPhone three times it will charge. You begin to feel like a boss, having successfully bargained your way out of what could have been an earth shattering crisis.
4. Depression.
It's here. The night you've been dreading. Slowly the nights of 30 percent have become nights of 9 percent. There's no going back, and you slowly swirl into an existential crisis. "What did I do to deserve this?" "Is this karma?" "Is this because I finished the milk and put it back in the fridge?" You question everything you've ever known. "Did I really spend six dollars on a charger, only for it to break three months later?" You begin to talk to the charger: "All those nights of charging my iPhone, and this is how you repay me?" But you walk away. You have to.
5. Acceptance.
You made it. You are right back where you started, but at least you're not where you were one step ago. You finally have accepted the death of your iPhone charger. You have decided to move on, start looking for something better. Realizing it's what you deserve. "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," you say to the broken charger as you toss it into the trash. "Serves you right," you say. Then you sacrifice the six to 20 dollars (depending on how rich you're feeling) and buy a new iPhone charger. "This time will be different," you whisper to yourself. After all, fool me 24 times, shame on you, fool me 25 times, shame on me...
Love,
A girl who has had more iPhone chargers than friends in her lifetime.
