"Cleanliness is next to godliness." When I was a child, my mother seemed to use this almost as a weapon against my eternally messy room. Luckily, I am not afraid to admit my mortal status in this regard, and honestly will probably never aspire to be super clean. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of a clean room, and the idea of not having to do huge cleaning sessions that seem more like purges than quick touch ups, but cleaning itself is just not something I enjoy doing often. At times, I feel utterly defeated and I probably spend more time having near mental breakdowns and taking breaks from the never ending mess than actually cleaning.

But now that I've started to clean my room again in preparation for people coming over, I've noticed very clear stages of cleaning. And I'm here to walk you through them, and hopefully one day we'll learn to be relatively clean people.

Stage 1: It's not that bad...right?

You invite people over for a get together and realize that staying in is much different than going out. No matter how casual the activity, there still has to be room for people to sit down without tossing half of your belongings on the floor to make room. And you can't have your messy lifestyle be the butt of jokes for the next year (believe me, you never live it down). At first you look around, and think to yourself "It's not that bad. I've managed to live here and not die." But then you look around again, and a little part of the responsible you shrivels up and dies like the crumpled wrapper of whatever is on your floor.

Stage 2: Diving in headfirst to cleaning without a game plan.

After FINALLY working up the nerve to get started (for some it could be minutes, for me it's more like a two day work up), you are ready to go. You know you want your room to be clean, and you have all the supplies necessary. Getting ready to clean is like prepping for intense warfare against the mess that is your life, and you need to be persistent to succeed. You plug in your cleaning playlist, and things start to look up. Well at least until...

Stage 3: You start to go a little overboard.

So if you had had a plan before you started, you might have avoided this stage. But of course you were overwhelmed by the fact that you almost couldn't see your floor so you just started quickly. By now, you've realized that not only do you want to clean your room, but you also want to move all your furniture around. You're convinced that if you just moved your bed to the other wall, it would be so much easier to clean in the future. But as you start moving everything, you realize that you aren't a superhuman and maybe there's a reason cleanliness is next to godliness, because you sure can't move a queen size bed on your own. It seems that all hope is lost, and being clean is something you'll never achieve.

Stage 4: Learning your strengths and weaknesses.

After mental breakdown #2 you decide that if you break down cleaning your room into smaller parts, it might be a little easier. You've learned that you love to organize things by color, and as long as you have a really great cleaning song, you're good to go. You've also learned you hate to do laundry, and you need lots of breaks, but not for too long because then you'll just stop cleaning. So now that you know yourself, it's easier to start cleaning again. You'll need start on your laundry and get that over with. Plus, while you do that you can use your time wisely to get other things done. While your clothes are in the laundry, you can start to vacuum (and take a short break to rest). After your floor is clean, you can find all your trash and take that out. When you're down there, you can switch your clothes to the dryer. You can then arrange your closet and drawers to make sure everything is ready for your to put your clothes away. You might even have time to color code everything, which is something you actually enjoy. And voila! You're room actually looks pretty good now.

Stage 5: Optimism with a tinge of reality sinking in.

You've actually done it. Somewhere your mother is wiping a lone tear away and whispering she's proud of you. The heavens open up and the sun shines down on you. It reflects off the shiny surfaces of your new clean room. Nothing can bring you down. After going through the day process of cleaning, you know you're never going back to your messy lifestyle. This time is different.

Now that you've conquered your bedroom, go forth and conquer elsewhere. Now you can clean your bathroom, and the hallways, and the living room... and the garage... and the car. The list never ends, and you've realized that you've started to leave your shoes around again. And that you have to change really quickly so you don't have time to hang up the clothing you decided would not work out for whatever you're going out for.

Oh well, at least you tried.