"Your 20's are probably going to be the worst years of your life."

One of my professors told me that last year, and it took me by surprise. Most (real) adults constantly remind us 20-somethings that we are in a stage in our life where we can afford to be selfish. They speak wistfully of that time, when they only had to juggle school, work and friends. But this professor knew that college looks a lot more like this:

He said when you're in your 20s, you don't know your place in the world, and figuring that out (on top of day to day life) is one of the most stressful things you'll ever have to do. Adulting isn't suddenly complete when you hit 30, but it's a lot like that research project you're putting off: starting is the hardest part.

We all have different ways of coping with this time of uncertainty and chaos. My journey through the five stages of adulting can be mapped most accurately through my hair color.

Stage 1: FREEDOM (purple underneath)

Look at that hopeful little punk.
She has no idea what's coming for her.

The first stage of adulting is realizing that you can kinda do whatever you want. My idea of rebellion was semi-permanent hair dye. But no matter how you explore your freedom, every adult eventually discovers that they're the only ones responsible for their life.

Stage 2: Must remain calm, must remain calm... (red)

Stage 2 of adulting is the vice grip of terror that closely follows stage one. The realization that you're totally in charge of your life comes with a lot of pressure. Gone are the days of strict structure or limited options. The world has opened up to you, and the number of ways to fail has multiplied by a bazillion. In an attempt to remind myself I was not in fact a colorless heap of anxiety, I gave myself some outward vibrancy hoping it would soak inward.

Stage 3: Screw it (full on purple)

This is probably the best stage. This is the brief period where you throw caution to the wind, forget everyone else, and just figure yourself out. Turns out "who I am" is a purple-haired goody-two-shoes, a walking paradox of identities. This is the stage where you let yourself be confused and undefined and a little unhinged.

Stage 4: Getting it together (auburn with drastic haircut)

All right, so you've discovered your freedom, experienced the existential terror that comes with it, and taken time to let your freak flag fly. Stage 4 is when you take all those pieces and make them form a cohesive whole. I by no means have my life together in this picture, but I'm getting there. I chopped my hair off, went for the bangs (hella good decision), and tried on another hair color. I wanted this new stage of adulthood to literally look different than my previous one. New color, new me.

Stage 5: It all comes full circle (back to natural blonde-ish)

At the end of the day, heck, at the end of life, you will always be you. Honestly, growing up is a lie. You will think the same way you think now when you're 25 and 40 and 90. I don't mean you'll always be stuck in your negative patterns (you'll learn new ones, don't worry), but that inner voice never changes, it just learns. All my hair colors have taught me something different, and even the desire for constant change has itself taught me a lot. But in my soul, I'm still just... me. The final stage of adulting is being OK with being just you, because just you is awesome.