Hands up if you've ever felt personally victimized by decaf coffee. I have! It's like a horrible, depressing coffee impostor with none of the caffeine. Dear decaf coffee drinkers, I have serious questions about your life choices. But then again I was recently named "Most Likely to Double fist at Starbucks" by my sorority so I might be a tiny bit biased. But unfortunately, this semester my wallet has called my addiction into question and I've had to come to terms with it. If you too have ever worn a coffee themed costume, this is for you.

Denial

What do you mean I have a problem? So I've had four cups of coffee today? Yes I know it's only noon. What like other people don't drink that much…? No, I'm not jittery, I'm just running to the bathroom. Don't judge, it's perfectly normal to always have the coffee poops.

Anger

It's not my fault I have to get up so early to go to school/work/life. I need coffee to be productive! And if I don't get my caffeine fix, I'm a cranky bitch, so really it's for YOUR benefit. And don't you dare touch my favorite mug. You can't appreciate it like I do.

Bargaining

Okay, if I write two pages of this paper THEN I can reward myself with coffee. But I should probably stop at Starbucks first because if I don't then I'll miss overhearing the latest gossip from Amy-who-always-orders-while-on-the-phone and then I'll NEVER know if her boyfriend really was cheating in Fort Lauderdale. Starbucks is an important part of my social life. I'll just stop going to Sushi Q instead.

Depression

If I stop going to Starbucks, the baristas will forget my name and then I'll feel lonely. And it'll take me so much longer to order when I can't just swipe my rewards card. What will I do with my time? I'LL MISS SO MANY FREE SAMPLES.

Acceptance

Maybe buying less coffee would be good for me. I'd miss eating the chocolate croissants but my pants have been feeling a little tight lately. And I do have a keurig at home...that would mean fewer empty coffee cups littering my car. And I wouldn't mind saving that extra cash every day...OH wait, there's a Sephora! Now that I'm saving money by not buying coffee, I can buy more lipstick! Damn, I should have thought of this sooner.

Oh MAC, I've missed you.