1. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
A classic song that I know is loved and cherished by many. I think we can all find a piece of ourselves in The Smith's 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out'. A song so beautiful, yet deeply tragic. With being stuck in our homes and distant from our 'normal' lives, I feel like this song is just as relevant as it has ever been. This song has always been a personal favorite, but recently it's touched me in new ways. This longing feeling of not wanting to miss out, not wanting to wait anymore. Grim thoughts of death fill the lyrics of this song backed by an alluring melody and a plead for wanting to feel alive.
2. The Ballad of the Costa Concordia - Car Seat Headrest
Just over 11 minutes, this ballad takes a historical misfortune into a story about growing older and the failure that comes with it. My favorite part of any Car Seat Headrest song is Will Toledo's brilliant story telling, making every story feel personal to each and every listener. This song, which is split up into three parts, starts with a slow ballad that soaks up every miserable emotion and lets it out into the lyrics. "If only I could sustain my anger, feel it grow stronger and stronger It sharpens to a point and sheds my skin." This lyric is the start of confused thoughts and sadness of not being able to continue or even not being able to step up in one's life.
The song builds into a lyrical monologue from Toledo confessing his failures and uncertainties as he becomes an adult. It turns into anger, a righteous feeling most of us have after realizing our faults and how we were let down by ourselves and sometimes by others. That feeling of helplessness that I think a lot of us can relate to in our coming-of-age years and beyond that.
The last portion of The Ballad of the Costa Concordia features a hurried story sung by Toledo about fading youth and the battle for control while raging instruments fight with him. The song ends with a final scream, "I give up!" This song is the perfect, epic blend of the sadness and anger that tends to take over and the inevitable breakdown that follows. The way Car Seat Headrest is able to capture these moments and specifically these hopeless, failing emotions one feels at this age, still amazes me.
3. This Time Tomorrow - The Kinks
This Time Tomorrow will always be a comfort song for me. It's in one of my favorite movies of all time and its sweet melody speaks to me on so many levels. A song about the future many years from now and how things will be then. Musically, this song feels like home, though the meaning is about the opposite - being away from everything and detached from the busy, normal life one lives. The Kinks encourage taking a step back and processing things around you and how you will see things in a much different perspective.
4. Careless - Beach Fossils
Beach Fossils is music I normally listen to when I need a break from things and need to feel at bliss with their surf sound taking me away. Beach Fossils album 'Clash the Truth' that came out all the way back in 2013 is a much darker feel than pretty much anything else they put out. I think this was a perfect route that they needed to take and I think a great example of this is the song 'Careless' which is the fourth song off the album. I don't think there are any songs out there that I've listened to and swear that they had to have read my mind or at least dug around there for some lyrics.
The song starts with "I've been so lost inside my head and are these really all my things ; so what is happening to me and does it gotta be so much that I can't see". This song is the definition of being overwhelmed and being in a constant state of worry that it takes over your life. There's not even many lyrics to this song, but what it does say sticks out and explains my thought process at any given moments. Never had I felt so heard and felt less alone than when this song is played.
The struggle of overwhelming thoughts and feelings combined with concern for mental health and personal growth themes that are webbed throughout this incredible yet dark album. The last line of this particular song is "Sometimes I'm hanging by the thread of all those memories I shed...I feel so careless in my head". When things get too much we often neglect the things and people around us as well as our own state mentally which is where I think the line "I feel so careless in my head" comes from. A lack of desire as things build up, as things get too hard, your emotions/your conscious almost ceases to exist.
5. Disorder - Joy Division
Quarantine has gotten me back into some music I haven't listened to in a long time and man have I missed somber tunes of Joy Division. I was very close to putting 'She's Lost Control' instead of 'Disorder' as even though it's more about a personal experience the lead singer had, it's often taken as losing control of one's life, but for some reason 'Disorder' just felt like the right one to put in here. I think it might have to do with the opening lines, "I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand; could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man?" This paragraph alone, along with the punk undertones of the song cemented it's place in this list. Lost and distant are the two words I would use for what I've been feeling for the past several months. The thought of a guiding hand to take me by the hand is all I could ever ask for right now, just for some reassurance, some clarity in this dreary, unstable life.
