In this day in age, abuse is rampant and has spread like wildfire. As soon as I sign on to Facebook or YouTube there is an overwhelming amount of people who have boastfully posted videos of parents going overboard with disciplinary action (sometimes borderline abuse), or children fighting children. Even sometimes you'll see adults fighting. It's almost as though society has a twisted thirst for violence that cannot be quenched. With violence slowly but surely on the rise and becoming the norm, the topic of abusive men in relationships is a conversation that must be had. Due to the extensive brainwashing, for many leaving that type of relationship is sometimes more complex than it appears. Once the physical abuse begins, the groundwork for entrapment has more than likely already been laid. Usually by force of verbal abuse. It's a commonly known fact that abuse is likely to repeat itself. Studies say that those who have faced abuse once before are likely to face it again. It's as if the Predators can somehow smell it on you. Your best bet is to just try and avoid it altogether. Here are five signs that might make it easier to spot the abuse before it begins.
#5 HOW DID HE GROW UP??
This may sound trite and somewhat generic but it's important to take into consideration. Did he grow up with any discourse, watch firsthand how abuse can tear apart even the most solid of families or was he abused? Whether it be physical or mental, it can take a life lasting toll and be detrimental to anyone's mental health. For argument's sake let's just say he came from a great home. What about your background? Have you seen your mom or any loved ones get hit and stay with the abuser? Have you ever been in this type of relationship before? One thing you should do before any relationship is a little self evaluation. This will help you put the best version of yourself on display. It should also help you to realize your worth and not accept any nonsense.
#4 Does He Have A Hot Temper?
This is not exactly a clear indication that he's violent. It could just be that the two of you have different temperaments. However, it is a piece of the puzzle that can be very telling. Anger can be healthy. It's the expression of anger that we analyze. For example, has he ever punched a wall? Or does he leave the room mid-argument? Has he ever thrown anything in an angry rage? What is overall demeanor? These are just a few things I consider.
#3 Does He Speak Aggressively To You?
This one is very personal to me. But like Alicia Keys said, "A real man knows a real woman when he sees her," and the way he speaks to you is indicative of the way he sees you. Evaluate the relationship and how he makes you feel. He should be kind, gentle, considerate and concerned about your feelings. Does he frequently curse at you or in front of you? Also what's his tone? When he speaks to you does he show more consideration for your feelings or his own?
#2 Is He Constantly Discouraging?
One form of verbal abuse is manipulation of someone's mind. A good way to convince someone they are not self-sufficient is by constantly reminding them you don't support or believe in them. That type of negativity can strain any relationship. If the only thing you can be sure of is that he'll bring you down even if he never lays a hand on you, that type of abuse can demolish anyone's peace of mind.
#1 Obsessive Infatuation/Isolation
There are so many reasons why obsessive infatuation is listed as number one. I think many people find themselves conflicted with this one. In my opinion if a man wants so badly to be in your presence to the point that he doesn't want you spending much time with anyone else it's not because he genuinely likes you, it's more so that he wants to control you. This is just another tactic to isolate you and keep you separated from your family and friends. The best way to have power over you is to make you feel completely alone, so that it's easier to fill your mind with all the lies.
