I am not THE pickiest eater in the world, but I am pretty particular about what I will and will not eat. Beans, raw fish and broccoli are permanently out of the discussion. And no, I don't want watermelon, pineapple or strawberries, unless they are in a smoothie, then we can talk. And chocolate--no way--unless it's a candy bar with nuts or something in it; but chocolate cake, frosting, milk, ice cream and even Nutella are all off the menu for me.
Living on my own has opened me up to trying new things, but there are just some things I WILL. NOT. TRY. However, it's also made me realize that all I eat are tacos, fish, pizza rolls and pasta. (Which is downright terrifying to think about as I am supposed to be a full-blown adult at some point soon.) While my palette may never be as open as I'd like it to be, I've learned a trick or two along the way on what to do when you're a picky eater. Here are a few things all picky eaters learn to be true at some point.
1. You have a hard time ordering straight from the menu
By the time you substitute out everything you refuse to eat, you've practically created a new dish. Maybe one day a restaurant will take your instructions to heart and name a dish after you. Also, taking off all that extra stuff should make it cheaper, right? WHY AM I PAYING FOR THINGS I DIDN'T EVEN RECEIVE?
2. You'd only eat two different foods if you became vegan
GiphyThe only thing you can bet on me liking is pasta, cheese and hamburgers. Vegetables and fruit are a touchy subject. Either I hate the flavor, the texture, or probably just the idea of substituting something healthy in the place of something carb-loaded or deep-fried in lard. I can count on my fingers how many vegetables and fruit I like. Sorry not sorry. I still blame my mom for not forcing me to eat green things growing up.
3. You awkwardly reject food that your friends LOVE
Friend: "OMG you HAVE to try this TO-DIE-FOR chocolate lava cake!"
*Me contemplating if I bite my tongue and lie or tell them the truth*: ". . ."
The awkward rejection of chocolate cake is a road I have traveled all too often. The birthday parties where I haven't had cake are far too many because of the chocolate mania this world has become. Sometimes, you just swallow it and lie, while other times, you go with the "I'm not hungry, but thanks" response and feel yourself wither away slowly.
4. You've contemplated saying that you have food allergies instead of saying you just won't eat it
When people ask what allergies they should be aware of for food planning, I have always been tempted to say that I'm allergic to this, that and the other thing, all so that I wouldn't have to eat foods I don't like. No one questions if you have an allergy, but if you plain-out refuse to eat something, you get the, "Well...when was the last time you tried it?" response. And, after a while, it just becomes too painful to continue talking about.
5. You check the menu online before saying yes to plans
This is something I've recently started doing. I am way too afraid of people taking me to a sushi bar or some place where I may or may not refuse to eat every single item on the menu. I look up the restaurant's menu prior to going out, just to check whether or not I should eat before going out, due to lack of edible choices. This one was really embarrassing to admit if I'm being honest.
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