Whether it be with a friendship, a significant other, or even a family member, sometimes a relationship gets toxic. When that happens you don't realize it all at once or wake up one day and say, "wow, I'm in a toxic relationship." It also doesn't happen the way Brittney Spears would like us to think it does.
It now probably takes longer for people to realize they are in unhealthy relationships because our media promotes it. Ross and Rachel on Friends, most of Fall Our Boy's songs, all suggest some form or another of emotional instability.
Granted some people are taking their talents and pushing abusers into the limelight like Carry Underwood.
When you do realize a friend or loved one is toxic, it's scary. I remember feeling trapped and silenced for months before I could gather up any sort of strength to push back against an emotionally abusive S/O. So before that happens to any of you, let's take a look at 5 the major warning signs through the lens of Ross and Rachel.
1. Lack of Communication
Ross and Rachel were famous of their miscommunication-after all it took three seasons for them to even get together. Lack of communication can be a serious downfall to a relationship. If you and your partner or friend aren't communicating well, it can lead to confusion and blame down the road. Afraid you don't know how to communicate? Odyssey Creator Natalie Briggs says it's not you or me, it's social media.
2. Jealousy
Ross had a tendency to make Rachel feel like sh*t (oops) about being friends with Mark. Jealousy is just mistrust thinly veiled. If someone doesn't trust you, it is going to be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with them. It may even impact other friendships. Don't believe jealousy can ruin a relationship? Here's an article that will convince you otherwise.
3. Continuously Putting You Down
Both Ross and Rachel did this when they were dating and when they were on their various breaks. Neither were very supportive of each other's work or interests and discounted them at every turn. Here's an Odyssey Creator who took her abusive friendship and turned it into a positive learning experience.
4. Being Overly Needy
Sometimes we need space, Ross. If your friend or S/O is getting a little too clingy, it's okay to tell them you need some space. If they don't respect that, it may be a sign that the relationship is more one sided than you may have previously thought. Not sure if your partner is clingy? Check out this article that outlines some of the clues.
5. Guilt Tripping
If you've been guilt tripped before, you know how Rachel feels. No matter what type of relationship, neither partner should feel obligated to do what the other wants because they use guilt tripping methods. The Huffington Post gives you 5 ways to resist guilt tripping.
So hopefully by now, all of you have decided that none of your relationships are toxic.
If that isn't the case and you are seeing signs of emotional abuse, here are some helpful links on how to get out of these relationships or work through the issues.
This article covers both physical and emotionally abusive relationships and how to get out of them.
If your relationship is physically abusive as well as emotional, this is the hotline number that will help you with a safe plan to get you out of your situation: 1-800-799-SAFE
If you are still in school, your college or high school will have resources to help you through the break.
Let's hope it was more successful than when Phoebe taught Joey French.
Good Luck!
