They say that "Friends are the family you choose," and the truth is, friends are also the people who you can choose to give up.
Whatever relationship it may be--platonic or romantic-- relationships are meant to strengthen, encourage, affirm and challenge us to be better. They make our lives more beautiful, and nothing less.
Here are five signs that it's time to let go of a toxic relationship:
1. You spend a significant amount of time wondering if you actually matter to this person.
Relationships are mutual. It's a two-way street. If you're giving, and giving, and giving yourself while receiving virtually nothing in return, it's time to reconsider. Yes, it's true that "love asks for nothing in return," but if you find yourself stretched thin by a friend who asks too much of you but doesn't return the favor, this is a good sign to distance yourself from that.
You deserve to surround yourself with people who also help fill you up.
2. The relationship spends more time stressing you out than giving you joy.
We tend to fight for our relationships because we love the person we share it with. We enjoy their comfort, their presence, and who they are in our lives. However, if there comes a point where their attitude or inconsistency causes you constant stress, and you find yourself fighting for a person who has no desire to truly be a significant part in your life, then this relationship is doing you more harm than good.
3. The relationship no longer grows you.
The best kind of relationships challenge you to be better. The best kind of friends help you to think about situations in both positive and negative lights, rather than passively allowing you to think whatever you want.
If your relationship does not challenge your mindsets or actions, and all attempts at engaging in meaningful discussions fail, then it's time to let it go, or at least take this relationship off the top of your priority list.
Remember: Iron sharpens iron.
4. It makes you question your worth, or causes you to think less of yourself.
You know that quote, "We accept the love we think we deserve?" More often than not, it's very true. If the relationship you're currently in causes you to believe that you deserve the negative treatment or neglect they give, then it is time to let go and open yourself to new people who will help build up your self-confidence, rather than tear it down.
If you find yourself saying, "I always get treated this way anyway," or, "I expected to be let down. No one ever cares enough about me," chances are is that this mentality stems from a cycle of being surrounded by the wrong people.
The cycle of surrounding ourselves with those who treat us less than what we deserve, is often perpetuated by our own demeaning idea of ourselves, which results in a tendency to settle. This means we give into a deep-rooted mindset that whispers, "This is the best I can ever have anyway." So we stick with it, and fight for it due to fear that it's the best we can ever have.
But that's simply not true.
If you take a step back and notice that your relationship does not reflect your worth or help you see the best in yourself... Find the courage to let it go and open yourself to those who will love you fully; those who will love you so furiously until you can't help but love yourself as well because they help you see what's worth loving.
5. It is emotionally abusive.
The most dangerous relationships are also the ones that are emotionally abusive. To them, it's always your fault. Your feelings are never validated, only shut down.
If you speak up and say that they hurt you, they turn it back and blame you. They say it's your problem that you feel what you do.
In addition to making you feel worthless, they also take away your sense of having a voice. Emotional abuse has the power to tear you down to the point where you feel like you deserve it, and cannot escape.
But because of these effects, it is actually difficult to spot that you're being emotionally abused when you are caught up in it. With that being said, here are two great videos that can help you see the signs. ("5 Must Know Signs of Emotional Abuse" and Buzzfeed's Video "Unhealthy Relationships")
With all this being said, I will shamelessly add that I know it is extremely difficult to let go of any relationship. If you're anything like me, you probably try your hardest to fix broken situations, and love harder until the other person changes. Sadly, it isn't likely that this strategy works. We can't always love someone in hopes that they will change. Sometimes, we must let go and let them find themselves on their own, while we go and find ourselves. Therefore, take a breath and take that step to give it up and open yourself to new opportunities to surround yourself with those who will treat you the way that you deserve. You deserve to be positively challenged, positively affirmed and wholly loved.
