Last night on my drive home from work, I really started to miss my best friend. She moved up to Seattle with her husband and now has two beautiful daughters (I sometimes like to think are my own). After catching up on everything going on in our lives, I couldn’t help but smile at how happy I am for her. For as long as I’ve known her, this is what she’s wanted. So I am dedicating this post to her...
I will say right off the bat that I am not a parent, so please do not get confused about how much authority I have on this matter, and/or think this article is a vehicle for me to pat myself on the back (because it's not). However, I have been fortunate enough to raise three of my siblings and act as a second mom. The time I spent with them, and other children of close friends of mine, obviously doesn’t compare to actual parenthood, so when I write about traits that make good moms, I'm not writing it from my experiences with kids I have given birth to. I'm writing it from my experience of watching the parents that over these last few years whom I have come to admire (aka my best friend). You can tell right away when a child is happy, adjusted, and secure in their relationship with their mom, and it's those kind of moms that have helped me gain knowledge on what makes a good one.
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I often compare the traits I see in the best parents I know against the parts of my friends that, while childless, are inherent and will inevitably be applied to their parenting skills should they choose to one day have kids. Which is to say: I know what makes a great parent, and how to recognize that potential in my childless friends.
Here are 5 of the tell-tale signs that you're going to be as good of a mom:
1. You make friends easily and often
You are the person who is inevitably the leader of all group projects. It's just who you are. Even when you intentionally step back and try to let someone else take charge for the sake of fairness and not being a control freak, it never quite works out that way. Leading comes naturally to you. In fact, you'd argue that it's less stressful for you to be the one in charge. The women who are not easily intimidated in their professional and personal lives are also the ones who aren't afraid to set very necessary boundaries for their kids, and remain firm on the house rules that they've set. You already understand how important it is to stick to your guns.
It takes a lot of strength growing up to be confident not only in yourself, but the way you allow people to treat you. The women who are firm about this know the amount of respect that they deserve and surround themselves with the kind of people who treat them that way are also the ones who tend to raise children who will mimic those healthy qualities. Plus, having good boundaries with the people in your life now means you're more likely to do it with your kids, thus ensuring a better relationship with them too.
3. You can do the gross work when it's necessary
You're the one holding people's hair back after a several shots of tequila, the one snuggling up to your flu-ridden friends, the one finally unmucking the toilet after you and your roommates have ignored the dismal state of for too long. These gross things are just the warm-up to the marathon that is gross things you will encounter in motherhood. I hate to break it to you, but it's not just diapers. There's projectile spit-up, loose teeth, food crusted and molding in a spot you didn't check for months, and plenty of booger eating and butt picking. If you read that sentence just now without gagging on your own spit, you've already got a leg up on the mommy wagon.
4. You find the humor in hot messes
Remember that girl in the study lounge of your dorm who lost her chill the night before finals at like 2AM and decided to release her stress by cackling like a hyena in front of everyone? Yeah, it was super weird, but she's probably going to be a stellar mom. I don't think anything can prepare you for motherhood more than a good sense of humor.
5. You accept that there are things beyond your control
The people who understand that early in life, end up putting a lot less pressure on the idea of being a "perfect mother," because they realize that there's no such thing as that, either—and that's just fine.
