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5 Scarier Things Than Clowns

With the ridiculous amount of media attention surrounding these terrifying clowns, I thought I would try to ease your mind with a few things that are clearly scarier.

Julia Marshall

Oct 10, 2016

University of New Hampshire Marquette University

NBC News

I'm sure you are all familiar with the latest trend of creepy clowns terrorizing civilians throughout the nation... Some of you may actually be scared of being attacked while others find it humorous and non-threatening that individuals dress up in these freaky costumes and stand in the middle of a deserted road watching you drive by. Regardless of which side you fall on, I can tell you this: there are things MUCH scarier than these terrifying clowns... and here they are:

1. Donald Trump

I don't know what's scarier.... this sexist, misogynistic, racist, disgusting (barely human) individual or the fact that so many Americans are being fooled into believing that he is what will "make America great again."

2. A missed call from Mom

If Donald Trump isn't enough of a reason to flee the country, then I think a missed call from mom should do it for you.

3. Missing your period (if you're a girl)

Whether or not you're sexually active, if you miss your period you kind of have an internal meltdown where you believe that you are in fact pregnant even though there could be a 0% chance that you are. We've all been there.

4. Finals week

I apologize to those of you who are internally crying at the thought of finals week (which is only in 10 weeks might I add)...don't worry though, the thought of 23872394 exams makes us all want to die. I'm sure if given the choice between taking final exams and having a clown chase us through the woods at midnight carrying a machete, we all would choose the more reasonable scenario: the clown with the machete.

5. Terrorism

On a serious note, while these people dressed up as clowns do pose a threat in some cases, this clown trend is not nearly as serious or concerning as the threat that terrorism poses on Americans and those in other countries every single day. It actually pisses me off that with so many terrible things happening in America today: police brutality, terrorism, etc. people have the audacity to dress up as freaking clowns and try to scare or actually attack innocent people. We face enough threats from other countries that Americans don't need to be turning on other Americans. These "terrorizing clowns" need to cut it out, because we have enough to worry about.

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5 Scarier Things Than Clowns

With the ridiculous amount of media attention surrounding these terrifying clowns, I thought I would try to ease your mind with a few things that are clearly scarier.

1. Donald Trump

2. A missed call from Mom

3. Missing your period (if you're a girl)

4. Finals week

5. Terrorism

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

We don't buy into these... just like how we don't buy our friends.

8. "The whole philanthropy thing isn't real, right?"

7. "I don't need to buy my friends."

6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!