I was talking with a good friend, not too long ago, about relationships and dating. She was venting to me about her past relationship and the guy she was just recently talking to and how things seemed to be heading south, when she said to me, “I seriously don’t know how you do it.” I looked at her and I proceeded to explain to her why I think my relationship is a happy one. I told her some of the things that may help keep my relationship with my boyfriend strong. I am by no means an expert with relationships. However, I have been in my relationship for almost four years now and experience counts, too. Therefore, here is a list of five rules to keep your relationship alive:

Rule #1: Communicate.

I know it might be a bit cliché and you have probably heard this all your life, but it is extremely important. So many relationships fall apart because communication is scarce. Lack of communication allows the mind to wander. If you are not talking to your partner, it gives them time to assume, question the relationship, wonder and even become bored with the relationship. Texting is okay–I mean, let’s be honest, we all text our partners–but that should not be the only modality of communication. Texting can lead to misinterpretation due to the lack of facial expressions and absence of tones being used, so be cautious while texting. So, communicate your feelings and talk about your day, ask your partner questions, have an intellectual conversation or have a playful conversation. Whatever it is you want to talk about will help to keep the relationship interesting and alive.

Rule #2: Have empathy.

There are many people that know how to have sympathy, but for someone you love or really want to keep around, you need to have a new approach. You need to have empathy. Feel how they feel, relate directly to your partner, whether it is a sad, happy or even mad feeling. Feel more than just bad for them or happy for them. Get happy for them and get upset for them. Let them know that their sadness or happiness really matters to you and directly affects you, because, well, in all honesty, it does affect you. Their feelings in the relationship can make your relationship with them a dream or a nightmare. So have some empathy and hopefully they will have empathy for you.

Rule #3: Argue.

So many of my friends have said to me that they just do not want to argue or start an argument because there is no point, but I totally disagree. If you feel hurt, or do not appreciate something your significant other has done, you need to let them know that. This again brings up a portion of the communication rule. Silence means you are in agreement. Whether you believe it or not, your partner will take it as you agree with them, so argue. Argue for your right in the relationship, argue because your partner should know they hurt or upset you, and mostly argue to remind your partner that the relationship is worth arguing for, not worth ignoring and walking away.

Rule #4: Quality and quantity.

I’ve heard a couple times in my life that quality time is more important than the quantity of time. News flash: that is flat out wrong. Quality and quantity are both equally important. Spend quality time together as often as possible. Am I saying you should not find time to hang out with your friends to have girls' night or guys' night? Definitely not! I am saying that your partner needs quality time more during the week so that when you have your weekly or occasional night out with your friends, your partner does not feel ditched or less important than your friends. So go on a walk and talk with your partner, spend time looking at baby pictures and laugh at your pre-teen years together. Make time with your significant other worthwhile and, mostly, make it something that you want to do more times than not.

Rule #5: Agree to disagree.

Sometimes you find someone that has different opinions than you, and that is okay. There is nothing wrong with someone who is different from you and holds different opinions, but you have to remember that if it’s who they are, you want to avoid trying to change their mind, unless they want to. For example, your partner may not be a family-oriented person, but you are. That does not mean they need to become family-oriented, but it also doesn’t mean they shouldn’t support your values. Let them understand why you are so family-oriented and if they still do not feel it is important in life, agree to disagree. Maybe you both like different sports teams and, as thrilling as it is to compete with your partner, you should still support them when their favorite team is successful, just like they should support yours. Just as we were taught as kids, you don’t have to like everyone in your class or that you work with, but you must get along. You do not have to love your partner’s interests, but you do have to support their interests or allow them to have those interests just as they allow you to have yours. So agree to disagree and let it be.

So one last piece of advice for those in a relationship or dating someone: remember that nobody is perfect, so the relationship you share will not be perfect either. Just take it one day at a time and always enjoy that time you have together, because you may not realize what you have until it’s gone.