This past week was “Sex Week” on our campus, which really got me thinking about all the reasons it’s important to have a dialogue about banging, getting laid, making love, and (my new favorite euphemism) “jiggery-pokery.” Just considering the sheer number of different ways we refer to sex convinces me that everyone is most comfortable talking around the ole’ “pants-off dance-off.” Think about it – when you say the word "sex" in your head or out loud, do you feel a tiny bit subversive? Like you’re saying a dirty word? I do; even at 21, with an array of expletives I use on the daily, I still have that twinge of disobedience that few other words or euphemisms can bring on.

And I was fortunate to grow up with a mom who was comfortable talking to me about sex and friends who didn’t shy away from the subject either. Many people don’t have that – their education consists primarily of what they learn from school and the internet, and while both can be good sources of information, neither replaces the comforting nature of sharing a story or experience with someone else. Neither normalizes one of the most normal things a human could do.

So here are five reasons you should talk about sex:

1. Your friends know things the internet and health class can’t tell you.

I know. I know. People have been telling you your whole life (or maybe that was just me) that you shouldn’t trust your friends for sex knowledge. Because of all the misinformation that adolescents have surrounding sex, I can understand this mantra, but there are some things that you shouldn’t take for granted. Your friends can tell you about how nervous they were their first time having sex and the things that helped them feel less uncomfortable. They can tell you about how they talked to their significant other about what they did and didn’t enjoy during intimate time. They can tell you how they learned what they liked and didn't like through the time honored tradition of masturbation. They can tell you stories about funny or awkward or exciting experiences that will (even if you already have quite a bit of sex-perience, thank you very much) make you closer friends and help inform your own experiences.

2. Sex is f@#%ing fun (haha, get it?).

Honestly, why wouldn’t you want to talk about sex? Orgasms are awesome and most humans want to be having them. Sex without orgasm is fun, too, don’t get me wrong, and we’re not just talking about hetero penetrative sex, either; as long as both people (or more, whatever your forte) are having consensual, sexually satisfying fun, that seems to me like a pretty awesome thing. So why shouldn’t we talk about it? I don’t need to know all the nitty-gritty details, but if you’re feeling high on those endorphins and want to tell (or brag a little to) your friends, it’s not awkward. It’s great. Congratulations on the sex.

3. It’s also sometimes really weird, humiliating, and/or terrifying.

So, sometimes sex doesn’t go so well. Sometimes, even when it’s totally consensual and based on mutual attraction, it’s just not good. Maybe there’s not enough communication and your partner is doing all the wrong things, maybe you tried something kinky and it wasn’t an experience you enjoyed, maybe the condom broke and now you’re terrified about pregnancy. The feelings that come from those various negative experiences are best dealt with by talking about them – with your friends, with your partner, with your mom or dad even, if you have that kind of relationship. The point is, whether it goes right or wrong, being able to talk about it is so important to healthy growth.

4. Because “deflowering” is still a word and people have purity balls.

No, not those kinds of balls, the dance kind, in which girls go with their dads and pledge their virginity to them. Now, personally I find this deeply disturbing, but more important to my current point is that these people are talking about and celebrating not having sex. So what the heck is wrong with talking about and celebrating having it? My college roommate and I have made a joke out of the rather gross concept of “deflowering” by giving each other punny “de-flour-ment cakes” after the first times we had sex. The complete opposite of sex shaming, right? Behaviors like these promote a sex positive culture, so if you’d like to live in that world, buy your friends some cake! Bonus points if you get it at Walmart and ask the bakery staff to write “Happy Deflourment” on it in icing.

5. And, because it doesn’t make you a slut or a stud.

Talking about and having sex doesn’t make you any less or more than anyone else. Guys, don’t brag about how you “go down on” women without being asked; it totally cheapens whatever chivalrous or romantic notion you were attempting to convey. Ladies, don’t lie about your sex life because you’re embarrassed and worried people will judge you. The best way to change this culture of women being expected to be “pure” is to refuse to conform to it; own your sex life, and others will follow. Honest discussions about sex, without all the posturing and pretending, are always the best kinds.

For more information, check out this article!