Last week, July 6, 2016, the game app "Pokémon GO" hit the app stores all over the U.S. Highly anticipated by many, the app is based off of the popular Pokémon game series. The key element that reeled people in was the brand-new, GPS-based play mechanics. Rather than traditional games, either the turn-based games on handheld Nintendo consoles or the collectible card game, "Pokémon GO" requires you to actually get up out of your house, and walk around in order to advance through the game. This was fairly new technology for any game out there, let alone Pokémon, so people were understandably very excited for this.
Unfortunately, it turned out to be one of the biggest letdowns I’ve ever experienced in gaming.
A lot of people around me seem to like this game; I, for one, am not afraid to say that I think completely differently. The screenshot above was taken a little bit after I downloaded the game. It took me a while to realize that that was the original app, but once I did, I of course started to test it out. As it turned out, there are a thousand things that the production team (which isn’t even part of Nintendo, by the way) did wrong in development, and they all came together to create one big hot mess of a game. I was inclined to go on a nonsensical rant about how much I dislike this game, but instead, I’ve decided to clearly lay out for you the top 5 reasons why I deleted this app within a few hours.
1. The mechanics are absolute garbage
As many others did, I went into the game foolishly expecting that it would have similar mechanics to the Pokémon games we know and love — towns and cities, eight gyms, a Pokémon league, a Pokédex and a wide selection of Pokémon you can choose to catch and battle with. Not only was I wrong, but I realized that such prospects aren’t very likely in the first place, and the desperate need for the new Pokémon content I desire could only be satiated by the actual game itself, for Nintendo DS.
First of all, and probably most disappointing of all, there aren’t nearly as many Pokémon available. Instead of the 721 currently available in the most recent Pokémon game available, there are a mere 144 confirmed for "Pokémon GO," all of them being part of Generation I. Disappointing, considering Generation VII is to be released this November. A close second is the battle mechanics and how you advance through the game in general. Niantic completely messed this up, and made it nothing like the battle format we’re all used to. You cannot battle, trade or communicate with other trainers, whether it’s people in real life or NPCs. There are no Pokémon centers or Pokémarts, and it doesn’t have a plotline for you to follow either.
Rather, the gameplay is composed of you mainly walking around your neighborhood trying to catch Pokémon that you can rarely train. You check every once in awhile for a rare Pokémon when you’re running errands, but that’s about it. You also struggle to find Pokéstops and Gyms, which are almost always in awkward places and are nothing like their Nintendo-made equivalents. You flip a coin at Pokéstops in order to get supplies, as there is no form of currency. Pokémon Gyms are the only place you can battle, but you have to be Level 5, which is relatively difficult, and you’re forced to pick between three teams, again unlike the teams in the actual game, and the decision is mostly arbitrary. Basically, it’s a completely different game but modified to include the Pokémon name. In fact, in a way, it actually is.
2. Extremely unreliable
As you probably already know, the app itself doesn’t exactly work pristinely. Saying that the app messes up and doesn’t let you on a few times here and there is a huge understatement. Admittedly, I faced a minimum amount of problems for the time I had the app; a couple of times it wouldn’t load when I tried to open it, and I had to repeatedly close and re-open the app to get it to start working again. But from the reports I’ve gotten from others, it’s absolutely horrid.
It’s riddled with little quirks and bugs related to loading times and the servers that for some it can be practically unplayable. Looking at the Google Play Store right now, I can see several reports reinforcing this. Thousands of people reported server errors that made them unable to connect sometimes and being unable to use the app in general. Hundreds of people have reported bugs and glitches that make it seem like the beta version of a fanmade third-party ripoff. The game can crash, not let you log in, and many other things of that sort. As AVGN says, the most important part of the game is actually being able to play it. "Pokémon GO" is really hopping around that boundary.
3. Too much hype.
Seriously, guys. Regardless of the quality. Even if the app worked perfectly, even if the gameplay was worth a damn, even if it was a game I generally had a desire to play, all this hype is too much. My news feed on all social media is plagued with countless tasteless memes and rants and screenshots related to the game. I’m pretty sure that most of the people perpetuating such content are hopping on the bandwagon, milking this trend for as many useless internet points as they can while it lasts.
Almost everyone has given into it, and there’s no escape. There are posters about it in my local bookstores and libraries. Every website I’ve been on recently has had at least a little bit of this content. Meetups are being made, where people specifically get up out of their house and gather with a bunch of other people who pretend to like this. Local police departments and news stations are reporting. Hell, even my parents, who are so under a rock when it comes to technology that I call them Patrick Star, even they know about it. It’s not getting ridiculous, it is ridiculous
And what really grinds my gears are the type of people who are playing this game. I bet you five Max Revives that if you take 100 people who play "Pokémon GO" right now, and go back in time and ask their three-week younger counterparts what they thought about the Pokémon, about 80 of them would have lots of bad things to say. This is extremely irritating, and as someone who has actually played the original Nintendo versions of the game, I think all of this is a huge steaming pile of bovine feces.
4. It’s dangerous, people
This is a big one, and many people tend to underestimate this one. I even have personal experience with this. My older brother loves this game, as I figured out when he came to visit last week. It was pretty ridiculous, really. While we were out, he wouldn’t stop pulling out his phone and searching for Pokémon, no matter what it was. While we were driving home from Waffle House, he had the nerve to pull out his phone and try to catch an Abra. We were less than two minutes away from our house, and yet he still couldn’t resist the urge to wait until we got home to go safely catch the Pokémon on foot. That’s what made me realize how serious it was.
This isn’t an isolated incident; it’s happening all over the place. In fact, every word in this sentence links to a different "Pokémon GO"-related incident. There’s no need to carelessly risk your safety just to catch these Pokémon that won’t benefit your life in any way, except for some gratification that can only be assuaged by more unnecessarily dangerous smartphone use. Just buy the regular game; it’s so many times safer and you get to stay in your house and be the lazy bum you were just a few weeks ago.
5. There’s just no merit to playing it.
This one ties into all of the other ones, and it’s needless to go into that much detail. What’s the point? For the reasons above, there’s no denying that you’re wasting precious hours of your life on this game that you could be spending on things that actually do something for you. Let me name a few things that are much better to be doing than playing this complete waste of 56 MBs, all of them taking the same amount of time or less:
-Meditation
-Self help
-Language learning
-Learning how to play chess
- Reading “Of Mice And Men” by John Steinbeck
-Clean something
And these are just off the top of my head. I truly feel bad for anyone that feels like they have nothing better to do, because that is farther from the truth. It’s there, you just need to look. I didn’t even need to become obsessed with the game to realize this. If you’re reading this and you play "Pokémon GO," I hope you realize this, too.
If you are sitting here wondering why the game gets so much hate, these above reasons are exactly why. I hope I’ve been able to convince at least a few people that this game is not worth it at all, by any standards. If you have any comments or anything you would like to add, please comment below. I’d love to hear your input. Otherwise, just keep in mind what you read, and my reasoning for all of the points I’ve made.
Sources/links:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pokémon_Go
http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Volcanion_(Pok%C3%A9mon)
http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Pokémo...
http://www.pocketgamer.co.uk/r/iPhone/Pokemon+GO/f...
http://www.polygon.com/2016/7/12/12159748/pokemon-go-gyms-how-to-find-tips
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