Unless you've been living under a rock the past month, you’re well aware of the worldwide persecution of “scary clowns.”

First of all, the term “scary” added to their title is offensive in and of itself. There’s nothing frightening at all about pranksters who paint their faces and try to make people laugh. They’re a group of innocent, costumed individuals who are just trying to have leisurely strolls at night, but are instead being falsely painted all over the media as threats to society. Just because some clowns carry knives with them doesn’t mean they’re trying to actually use them on someone. For all we know, they’re just dressing up, walking to a fancy steak restaurant rather than drive to get some exercise, and prefer to use a sharper knife from home that cuts rib-eye easier.

However, everyone’s been jumping to conclusions as to what the motives are behind the “scary clown” craze. Here in the United States, clowns are getting profiled by the police for just minding their own business. Across the pond, a confused man dressed as Batman in northern England is chasing away clowns thinking they’re the Joker or Harley Quinn.

As an attempt to sway the false light away from these harmless comedians, let me explain why we need them in our lives:

1. They promote environmental friendliness.

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That’s right. Al Gore rejoice, because clowns take one for the team by carpooling and packing themselves into tiny vehicles to limit the spread of carbon monoxide.

2. Their makeup is on point.

(via YouTube - Chelsey Stacey)

For anyone who’s having trouble nailing smoky eye shadow, or struggling to get their eyelashes on the level of Katy Perry’s, clowns pull it off with ease. Clown makeup tutorials on YouTube may be the holy grail you’ve been looking for.

3. Ronald McDonald.

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Oh yeah, I bet you forgot about him, huh? If you’re going to be hostile towards clowns, the hostility can’t be mutually exclusive. The long-time face of the McDonald’s franchise brought smiles on all our faces with his commercials back in the day, and we make him smile in return with every McDouble we have at 2 AM after a long night of bar-hopping.

(Side-note: It’s an absolute disgrace that the pioneering animated TV show “The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald” isn’t on Netflix yet. Get it together, guys.)

4. Their dad jokes are impeccable.

Nothing hits the spot like a good, corny joke fresh off a Laffy-Taffy wrapper every now and then.

“Did you hear about the party at the circus? It was in tents!”

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5. They’re just having fun.

Seriously, nobody likes that person at a party who’s always a debbie downer. If you’re up in arms about scary crowns, you’re being that guy. Or girl. Rule of thumb, just don’t be a buzzkill, man.

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