Kids! Does that word ring a bell? For some, it may. For others, maybe not so much. Personally, I'm classified as that other, and please don't say it's the concept of me being "too young." Truthfully, I just feel as though I'm too intrigued by myself to ever focus on a little one. I could say the same about a lot of other women I know, yet they are quite fruitful with their children.

I, on the other hand, am not so firm in this belief, being fruitful that is, therefore taking measures to prevent this is the ultimate key to my success. I've taken time to apologize to God a long time ago, because that's one of the various sins that I won’t be afraid to commit. Forgive me father, but fruits aren’t for me! Now, before anxiety and blood pressures rise, let me tell you why they aren’t.

1. Shopping

To all my shopaholics, you my friend are going to have to slow down for yourselves. Shopping for yourself is one thing, but a baby, a child, or even someone else for that matter, is a bit of a challenge. Ladies, you must walk past MAC, Ulta, and Nordstroms; it's only right. Go ahead and follow those seasoned Moms to Baby Gap, Toys "R" Us, and Carters. Having kids is an utter distraction away from the idea of being "forever 21" and not even to begin with Victoria keeping her Secret. Dads, this doesn’t exclude you; go on and drive right past the Sporting Goods and head on over to Bed Bath & Beyond baby section and order a crib. Sorry, but I won't be passing up MAC ever in a lifetime, why, because reproduction is prohibited on this end.

2. Feeding them

Why is it that kids must have the most “expensive taste”? Cereals are expensive these days and buying a box per day, plus the milk that must go along with it isn’t exactly a bargain. Then, Mickey D's (Mcdonald's) every other night for dinner? Simply put, kids eat too much and don’t let them be boys or athletes. Honestly, the old saying is true, “kids will eat you out of house and home!” Leftovers? Forget about them. They’re gone by the morning. Once put away, nothing in that ice box is safe anymore. Kids are thieves! I know from experience. My parents bought a personal fridge and put it in their bedroom’s closet last year. Once found, everything stocked went the following day. I promise the fridge stayed cleaned because of me! They’ll thank me one of these days.

3. The "Mom" call

Some would love to argue with so much passion and grace that being called “Mom” is the greatest blessing in life. What I would like to know is how. I know I used to just call my mom just to call her. I didn’t want a thing. Now, why is it that kids get a kick out of this word?

When you wake up, “Mom!” When you go to sleep, “Mom!” Before you leave, “MOM!” They constantly call on you and give you headaches. Who wants their named called upon like that? Taking it back a few years, I hated my third-grade teacher because she always called on me as if I were the only kid who’d know the answer in the classroom. For that, I mentally changed my name during school hours and I know she began to wonder why I’d never answered again. As a “Mom” I reckon I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same. In fact, my name would probably change weekly.

4. New Benz? Nope. New van!

Pulling that two-seater out of the garage with places to go and people to see wouldn't exactly work for kids. A car seat wouldn’t exactly compliment your convertible. Say goodbye to that BMW top back, hair blowing in the wind sports car and hello to that dodge three-row mini. Quite frankly, that just isn’t my style.

I mean look at it, a revolving door, the constant stereotype that my kid plays soccer, and always carrying a load of kids after winning games. Not so hot on the dating market. If you’re dating! Either way, vans are for grandmas. My Granny drove a van for years. She was old and tired of asking to borrow my Dad's truck when she was lagging all the grands and dogs around.

5. Three's a crowd

Being spoiled and loving attention from your significant other can always be rained on with a kid. Kids change up the entire mood, so three is definitely a crowd. No need to go on a walk in the park without a stroller or a leash, whichever you prefer. Romantic duos will suddenly begin to cease and alone time will quickly transform to family time. After all, it isn’t like you could say, “Away baby you’re in the way, you third wheel!” and poof! they’re gone. If it were so simple, my parents would probably have more. Luckily, I wasn’t the easiest to give or get away.

Nevertheless, kids could be a change worth waiting for. They could be fun, special, a gift, and all of that other sweet stuff. I know these all of these things because I was a kid once and I did all of those things. Yes, you may call me selfish, and whatever else you want to call me for not wanting them, but you know what? At least I'm not arrogant. How dare you want to make one more version of yourself! Then, you have the audacity to produce more than one on top of that. Gosh! And I'm self-involved?

Honestly, love your little ones until the death of you. They'll bring your fondest memories and moments that'll be completely unforgettable. But, at the same time, know that they'll leave you broke, hungry, and then try and place you in a nursing home - kids, those little rascals.