It took me a long time to realize that getting into a relationship was NOT a necessity and something I needed to have to be happy. You can’t depend on another person to make you feel loved or feel good about yourself. Happiness comes from within. Here are five simple reminders as to why it’s important to love yourself and do you first:

1. You aren’t a “half.”

I can’t stand when I hear the phrase “missing piece” or other “half,” like people aren’t complete without a partner in their life. You are a whole person. You do not need a man in your life to complete you or tell you that you’re beautiful. Wake up every morning and be happy with the woman you are. Embrace the things about your body that you don’t like: like the weird birthmark on your back or your bow-leggedness. Do things that you love to do and have fun doing them. Figure out what makes you, you. So many women are far too critical of themselves and look to men to get approval they should be giving to themselves and it ruins self-esteem. Fall in love with yourself and never think of a partner as your other “half.” They simply compliment your whole.

2. The media lies to us.

I know so many girls who feel as though they’ll never be in relationships because of the way their bodies look. I also know just as many who worry about their weight while in the middle of one, because they think their boyfriends will break up with them for it. If a guy truly loves you, he will love you no matter what. A true man would never make his woman change for him. The media loves to portray “beautiful” women as only having one body type: thin. Anything else is looked down upon. Don’t listen to this. Whatever body type you have, you are beautiful and a man who is worth your time will love you for you. Believe in your own beauty and embrace your bodies. Besides, men love confidence.

3. Be miss independent.

Many women are also guilty of looking to men to take care of them. I was always taught to be self-dependent. Women should be able to take care of themselves and not need a man to do the so-called “heavy lifting.” Every woman should learn how to do things like changing tires, fixing the toilet when it leaks, and killing their own spiders when they sneak into the house. Having handy skills and not needing your own Bob the Builder around will make you feel more capable and sufficient. Don’t look for your man to be the prince that saves the damsel-in-distress. Do your own thing, girl.

4. There are so many fish in the sea.

One of the biggest traps as girls we get sucked into is thinking that there is only one man out there who is destined for us or will love us. In essence, our Prince Charming. We’re taught to devote ourselves to one man. Men, reversely, are praised the higher their body counts are. This double standard is archaic and outdated. While I’m not advocating for women to go out and sleep with the masses, we should know that we can have our pick and don’t have to wait for men to come up to us. Be the woman at the bar with enough confidence to ask that cute guy for his number. Think of yourself as the catch that you are and believe any guy would be lucky to have you. Don’t fall for the trap of thinking that you’d be lucky if just one guy looked your way.

5. You’ll never be a good lover, if you don’t love you.

When the perfect man of your dreams does come along, you won’t be ready for him if you don’t have a deep and resounding love of yourself when he gets there. It is impossible to love someone else if you don’t first appreciate who you are. It is not your man’s job to make you feel beautiful, to keep you afloat, or to provide you with worth. It is your responsibility to take care of yourself and believe in you. When you do this you will be able to be a good partner and have a healthy and happy relationship. But you always come first. Always.