There's nothing worse than being in a toxic relationship and letting it eat you alive. There comes a time when you just have to let go, cut ties, and move on with your life for yourself, not for them.
Throughout middle school and high school I thought having tons of 'friends' meant I was liked or popular, but it didn't. I think like most I learned the hard way what it means to have a genuine friend who's there on their own and not out of convenience.
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I use to have so many friends I couldn't keep up with them. In college, I'm lucky to count a few on my hand. Creating a friendship or bond is more than just a couple phone calls or text messages; it's hard work. One thing I had to learn was realizing when a relationship was just not worth my time. Cutting ties with friends, family members, boyfriends/girlfriends is never easy, but if the relationship is more damaging to your spirit then it's time to let go.
The problem most of us face is giving people chance after chance when those changes aren't deserved. I often try to look past all baggage a person brings and defend the potential I see in them. This is my gift and my curse all rolled into one. I keep painting pictures of what I believe the person can be and not of who the person is or has shown me.
In the end I only end up disappointing myself because of all the effort I put into the relationship that ends up draining me.
If you're going through a rough patch with someone, whether a friend, family member, or boyfriend/girlfriend, maybe this can help you evaluate your situation and help you.
1) Mentally Draining
I can not stress this enough of what this does to a person. This is the relationship that constantly challenges your peace and mind. Your peace of mind is what helps you sleep at night, what creates the inner peace for yourself.
This relationship gives you headaches just by thinking of it. Depending on the involvement of the relationship, romantic or non-romantic, the draining varies. This is the relationship that makes you toss and turn in your sleep. At times you often go without sleep causing you to feel groggy and often causes you to isolate yourself. This is where the concept of trust issues derives from. You spend more time worrying about this relationship and why you think want this relationship you forget to ask yourself, "What is this relationship doing for me?"
2) Spiritually Draining
This messes with your morals and values in life. People often don't think of relationships as spiritual, but they are. Spirits are a part of you, as a relationship becomes apart of you. This is the relationship that causes you to change; often times not for the best. You begin compromising without a fair resolution to a problem or argument and begin to lose yourself.
People love to blame you for you changing. You change because you think that's what the person wants, which ends up making you hate yourself. These are the manipulators in the relationship that says things like, "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to" or "You never use to be this way." Well, things change. A poison environment will do something to you and cause you to become the one thing you hate.
3) You Give More Than You Receive
A relationship is a 50/50 give and take-- not a give, give, give. When you do something in a relationship you do it because you want to not because you're obligated to. People love to give excuses for the other saying, "Well if the roles were reversed they would do the same for me," but the roles are interchangeable and you witnessed no result.
This type of relationship often makes you feel like you're being used and for all the effort you put into maintaining this relationship you have nothing to show for it. For most people a 50/50 relationship refers to materialistic things when that's not what a real 50/50 is. What I'm referring to is how much you give, or sacrifice for the relationship. This can be sacrificing your family, friends, or yourself to maintain this relationship.
4) Baggage Weighs You Down
Baggage can mean a different number of things upon the situation. This is what is referred to as a dramatic lifestyle. Every time you turn around there's another problem and the problem doesn't always necessarily have to be in the relationship. This is when their problems become your problems, but not in the good sense of "having each others back."
This can involve third party problems with friends, family, work, etc. You often begin to resent this relationship, because you feel overwhelmed with problems occurring all the time. This causes you to stress out and lose sight of the bigger picture.
5) Negativity Becomes Part Of You
Negative energy is problematic and causes toxic relationships. This is that dark cloud that tends to follow you wherever you go, no matter what. Even when you try to leave or cut ties with this type of relationship, negativity drags you back.
You're drawn by the thrill of how it makes you feel when you're with this person, but the back lash is what's going to kill you. This dark cloud surrounds you and your space. Value your time and space, because these are two things you can't get back.
Moving Forward...
Understanding these are not easy steps to take, but sometimes they are necessary. Toxic relationships are not healthy for either party. This can affect your moods, peace of mind and your space and energy.
Cut ties with these type of relationships and it'll be as if a boulder has been lifted off your shoulders. Learn to let go of toxic relationships and people and find yourself again.
