1. It's neither candy nor corn.
What is it? It's a mystery. Just like a Goosebumps book. Or your purpose in life. *shrug*
2. You can fit many in your hand and mouth at once and immediately contract 37 cavities.
3. Keep them in your pocket and sprinkle them on rude people, like a spoopy asshole baptism.
4. Lob them at your enemies and rowdy trick or treaters.
They will never come back to your house.
5. Gordon Ramsey loves them.
Happy Halloween everybody, may God bless you with a candy corn-free life. Get spoopy!