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5 Reasons Why Candy Corn is the Best Halloween Candy

Kayla Bassingthwaite

Nov 02, 2017

Central Connecticut State University

5 Reasons Why Candy Corn is the Best Halloween Candy

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1. It's neither candy nor corn.

What is it? It's a mystery. Just like a Goosebumps book. Or your purpose in life. *shrug*

2. You can fit many in your hand and mouth at once and immediately contract 37 cavities.

3. Keep them in your pocket and sprinkle them on rude people, like a spoopy asshole baptism.

4. Lob them at your enemies and rowdy trick or treaters.

They will never come back to your house.

5. Gordon Ramsey loves them.

Happy Halloween everybody, may God bless you with a candy corn-free life. Get spoopy!

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5 Reasons Why Candy Corn is the Best Halloween Candy

1. It's neither candy nor corn.

2. You can fit many in your hand and mouth at once and immediately contract 37 cavities.

3. Keep them in your pocket and sprinkle them on rude people, like a spoopy asshole baptism.

4. Lob them at your enemies and rowdy trick or treaters.

5. Gordon Ramsey loves them.

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Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

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7. And really hungry.

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9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

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