Three facts before we begin:
One, "Serial dating; noun; dating people for shorts amount of time." - Merriam Webster
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Kidding, that's my definition.
Two, I don't date more than one guy at a time. "Dating" does not refer to sex, and nothing about this article will pertain to sex. Dating does have to not constitute sex in any form or fashion.
Three, I'm giving you my personal notes, and I do not speak for everyone that does life the way I do. My definitions and standards will differ from other people who date the way I do.
Note #1: You don't choose who you fall for.
My first relationship began in high school and lasted a year. It was fantastic, and I was in love. I was head over heels, actually, for someone who, to this day, deserved every ounce of love I had to offer him. We ended over college and the difficulty of communication and travel over 1,000 miles.
My second relationship began in college and lasted four months, as I lost the boy to his own decisions that may or may not have denied the laws of monogamy in committed relationships.
Two more relationships followed, with a suitable time for healing and dealing in between. Neither of them were titled because the lovely gentlemen I chose to fall for had created a mindset in me that I was not worth dating, and that I was not important enough to call him mine.
Note #2: You can choose who you stay for.
By my junior year of college, I stopped being in relationships and I began running when I got close to them.
Eventually, I decided to take control for myself. I couldn't control who I fell for, but I could control the situations I put myself in and whether the people I chose in my life deserved me or not.
To be completely honest, I got tired of fighting. Not fighting in the sense of regularly occurring arguments or silly, trivial matters. Fighting, fighting like H-E-double hockey stick for something or someone who could not care less about the effects that our relationship or lack thereof was having on my heart or my mindset.
I mean that I got tired of pouring myself into the wrong people.
If you knew me in high school, you knew that I didn't take dating lightly. Somewhere along the way, my views on dating changed.
Note #3: Fight or flight.
In every relationship, talking-ship, friendship or any type of ship, you will have a moment that requires a decision: stay or go. It's that simple. You might also label it: "Stick around and work far too hard for someone who clearly doesn't understand what you're worth," or "Get out while your heart is still intact."
Subnote #3A: Flight
When it comes down to fight or flight with a guy and your feelings at stake, flight doesn't get you broken. Flight doesn't drain your energy and break your confidence as you try to prove your worth and abilities to someone who ultimately will never understand how utterly worthy of love you are.
Subnote #3B: Fight:
The thing about flight is that it also doesn’t get you anything cool. Flight causes you to start over with the next guy as you wonder why you weren’t good enough for the first one. Eventually, you’re going to have a guy that makes you feel like he’s worth sticking around and waiting for. He’ll make you feel like you can actually fight for whatever you might have.
Note #4: I haven't found something worth staying for.
Calm down, I'm not saying that every guy I've been on a date with has sucked as a human being.
I'm saying that the entire point of dating is to find that person you're going to marry. I plan on getting married one day, but I'm not just going to jump into that lightly or quickly. I'm going to search until the right guy pops up in my path.
I will not stay for someone who does not deserve me or does not fit me. I could go on a date with the most perfect man in existence, but if his character does not mesh with mine, there is absolutely no point in drawing it out.
That does nothing but get both of us attached and hurt one of us, if not both of us.
Maybe my methods are selfish, but ultimately I feel as though I am saving two people time and effort.
Note #5: When I do find someone worth staying for, I'm going to fight for that.
I want to be happy, but I want to be happy on my terms. When you learn to be content with yourself and who you are, you're going to be okay with or without a guy.
Until that guy comes around, I'm going to date. I'm going to discern for myself who is and is not right in my life, and you should do the same. Only you can decide who deserves to be in your life. Only you can decide who is worth your time, effort and emotions. Therefore, take care to meticulously decide who you let into your heart and your life. Sometimes, that ends in serial dating.
