1. When You Forgive, You Forget
I have probably struggled with this the most, especially when I was younger. I always heard people say, "Forgive and forget." But I was so confused when I felt like I truly forgave, but I couldn't seem to mentally forget the pain that a specific person caused. The truth is that it is IMPOSSIBLE to forget. As much as we want to forget about the pain of our past, we can't. Only God has the power to forget. We must remember that we are still humans and logically we can't just forget something.
2. It Must Be Immediate
It is not wrong for your forgiveness to be immediate, but don't be too hard on yourself if you need time to forgive. You are human and let's be realistic, we have real emotions. Don't fool yourself by trying to force yourself to forgive someone immediately, because you think that's the way it should be. If you need time to process or time to heal, then take that time. I would rather take the time to truly forgive, then rush through forgiving others and in the end it only hurt me more.
3. It Is A One Time Response
Be prepared that if you forgive someone once, then you may have to forgive them again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
God says that we must forgive 70x7. That's 490 times! Forgiveness is constant and is actually a mindset to keep on the daily.
4. In Order For The Forgiveness To Be Real, The Person That You Forgive Has To Stay In Your Life
This is another one that I used to be confused about. In my own life, I used to feel guilty for not hanging around someone that has hurt me in the past. It sounds silly, but it's very real for people like me that do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, even if they hurt mine.
Listen to me when I say this: You do not have to allow people in your life that continuously hurt you. You can love people from a distance. I actually encourage you to separate yourself from the very people that continue to hurt you. Know your worth and don't let the enemy convince you that these toxic people have to remain in your life. The bible speaks about praying for your enemies, but I don't recall the bible saying to have dinner with your enemies.
5. It's Easier To Forgive Family Than To Forgive Strangers
You would think that family is easier to forgive, and they can be easier to forgive if you are dealing with minor injuries. For instance, it's easy to forgive family if they talked bad about you, or lied to you in the heat of the moment. But what about the family members that betray you. I do not want to overstep my boundaries, but let's just go there for a minute. What about the girl that got raped by her uncle or about the guy whose brother completely robbed and evaded his home. What about the mom that has to forgive the daughter for taking a swing at her or the daughter that has to forgive her father for walking out on her.
Some of these may sound silly or impossible to you, but these situations are real. Family, if anything, makes it more difficult to forgive. So, don't feel like you have to be so quick to forgive and "get over it," just because someone shares the same blood as you. Take your time and don't let anyone ever rush you into something that you aren't ready for.
Right now it may be difficult to let go of the past. But with time comes healing. I am not saying to not ever forgive, but I am saying to do it the right way. Forgiveness is not something that you can "fake it until you make it." Forgiveness is a process that requires effort on your part, grace from Jesus, and time to heal your wounds.
P.S. If you thought of someone while reading this then please take it as a sign that you should either share your story of how you have forgiven them or you need to take an extra step toward forgiveness.
