We all love being in the Alabama family. I mean, what’s not to like? There could be dozens of articles dedicated to the greatness of the University of Alabama, but that’s not what I’m here to discuss, today. Instead, I’m going to cover one of the things that our campus lacks: individuality.
We’re all guilty of dressing the part of the college student. With our Chacos, Norts, oversized t-shirts, Salomon's high socks, Costa's, and frat tees with a goat's butt printed on the back below DKE's letters, we blend in.
We're not alone. We're implicated with the entire Southeast. But not just in the way we dress. Let's take a look at what we drive.
1. Ford F150. You’re either blind or astoundingly unobservant if you don’t notice the F150’s cruising down university, most likely listening to catfish country on a daily basis. Wannabe Good Ol’ Boys from every corner of the state and beyond inundate our campus with them.
More likely than not, you’ll find that 95% of these trucks have at least one of these three items in the bed: a dog kennel, a chained down Yeti, and/or rubber camo boots. In most cases you’ll find all three. Don’t forget the few smashed up Natty cans rolling around on the floor to top it all off.
Where you’ll find them: Behind the KA house (or any fraternity house, for that matter).
2. Mercedes C-Class. You’re daddy’s little girl and you’re not afraid to admit it. You most likely received this car on your 16th birthday with a giant red bow perched on the top. At first, you we’re a bit disappointed that your father didn’t splurge and spend the extra twenty grand on an E-Class, but hey, a Mercedes is a Mercedes. Save that upgrade for say, a graduation present, perhaps? In due time, girls, in due time.
Where you’ll find them: Texting at a green light, cutting you off on Mcfarland, and parked in a handicap spot behind Tutwiler.
3. Chevy Tahoe. So you may not be as hard core of a Good Ol’ Boy as the F 150 drivers, but you’ve still been known to attend a Ducks Unlimited convention or two. Tahoes, which are a dime a dozen here in Tuscaloosa, probably take the cake for the number one most stereotypical vehicle on campus. Despite the fact that Tahoe’s are quite the gas guzzlers, there’s something about roomy interior and 4-wheel drive that keep people coming back for more.
Where you’ll find them: Just look right.
4. Range Rover. We all want to have a nice car. But a Range Rover, seriously? That’s taking things a bit too far. In fact, seeing these people drive around campus in their RANGE ROVERS makes me want to smack their parents and ask, “what were you thinking?”
Sure I may be a bit jealous. I’d love to have myself a nice Range Rover. But I think we can all agree that no 18 year old deserves a ninety thousand dollar car. Unless they found a cancer eliminating vaccine or a cure to magically get rid of my hangover as I type this article, then you definitely don’t deserve to drive one.
Where you’ll find them: Parked in a fire lane with a multitude of tickets plastering the windshield.
5. Toyota Prius. We get it, you probably voted for Obama and you clearly believe in this whole global warming thing. I’m no scientist, so I can’t comment on that, but what I do know is that you, my friend, driving your red Prius with a “Hogwarts Alumni” bumper sticker, are not saving the planet. Not even close. But by all means, go ahead thinking that you are, it’s no sweat off my back. I actually find it quite comical.
Where you’ll find them: Near Mallet Assembly, oh wait…
