I'm sitting in my dorm room alone, the only person left in my suite. I finished my last final yesterday, and feel like I can finally breath for the first time in weeks. As I sit and think about the semester, I realize how many lessons I've learned. There were so many fun times, new friends, hard work, essays, and more, but I look back on this all and am filled with gratitude. It's crazy to think about where I was at the beginning of the year, to where I am now. No, I didn't learn EXACTLY what I want to do when I grow up. I didn't learn exactly who I am on a deep level, and I (still) didn't learn why calculus will ever be useful. But I did pick up a few things along the road...
1. Everyone wants new friends
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At first, this is obvious. The first couple weeks of school everyone sits with the new people at lunch, leaves their door open, and looks at people like potential best friends. Nevertheless, as the semester goes on, this trend begins to fade and people begin to establish friend groups. Because of this, I think it's really easy to get in the mindset of not branching out because people already have their "groups", including yourself. We are surrounded by amazing, intelligent, similar-thinking, potentially world-changing people in college - and you have all of college to meet them. So leave your door open, bond with someone in your class, and sit with someone new in the (gasp) third month of school. You never know who may come into your life. Despite what it may seem like, everyone wants new friends.
2. Find time for yourself
I learned real quick how easy it is to get overwhelmed by college. We are constantly surrounded by people, opportunities, and work. As someone who very much valued alone-time in high school, this had it's affect on me in the first few weeks. I learned how important it is to carve out time for yourself. It's vital to self-reflect and check up on your well being. For me, that meant journaling, praying, reading, getting up before the campus does, hiking, and working out. For you it could be a yoga session, a walk, or just a really good latte. These things seem so little, but they serve a huge purpose. In the craziness of college, they calmed me and made me more aware for where I stood in it all. So despite the ample amounts of homework I had, the people I wanted to become friends with, and the events I had to go to, I learned that I need to be stable and sure of who I am first. I need to know, love, and be confident in myself, or else the world will form it - I must steady my roots in order to grow.
3. Everyone else is struggling too
It's really easy to look around and feel like you're the only one who still doesn't know what they want to do with their life. It's easy to feel like you're the only one not understanding anything in your class. And it's easy to look at pictures on Facebook and feel like you're the only one spending 5 hours a day studying. But this is not the truth. I've learned this, gotten overwhelmed, and re-learned this little lesson over and over and over again. The truth is that everyone is struggling. College is a hard transition for most, and even if someone is getting an assignment much better than you, you never know what endeavors they're facing. Because I learned that everyone is struggling, I learned that I don't have to act like I'm not. Behind many people's party pictures, are hours of stress and homework. Behind many people's drunk persona, is a mean fear that they don't know where their going with life, either. I learned that being open about how I actually feel is so refreshing to people because not many people do. This honesty and vulnerability has created so many more genuine conversations, experiences, and relationships in my life.
3. Get over FOMO
The "Fear Of Missing Out" is so incredibly prevalent in college. In high school, I felt fine skipping social events, parties, or whatever, whereas in college, it's much harder. I think this is because everyone already knew who I was in high school. In college, though, one event could lead you to make find five new friends, someone that would help you get through a class together, or a potential buisness partner later on. As great as this fact is, you can't be everywhere at once. I've learned how important it is to realize when my emotions are really just "FOMO", and that I'll never be content unless I recognize the greatness in the present.
4. There is a fine line between friend and tutor
I've made many friendships where my friend helps me with a specific class regularly. At the beginning of the school year, I always begged my close friend who is a math-genius to help me on homework. Then, I recognized that he didn't really want to help me. Not because he didn't want me to do well and not because he didn't want to be a good friend, but because he didn't want to be valued or befriended only because he was good at math. So I stopped bothering him and started going to the tutor center, because I realized that our friendship was worth much more than that, and I didn't want it to seem like I was just using it to pass my class. I still have some other friends who regularly help me with class, and I've learned how important it is to not take their help for granted. One time, I was sitting in my friend's room as he explained Python coding to me, and I caught myself getting frusturated because he was checking his phone when I was asking for help. I then realized how wrong that was - he didn't have to be helping me at all, he was doing it out of his own time and kindness. I think it's really important to not take help for granted, and even more important to not have relationships that are solely to help you in school. Yeah, it's amazing when your friend know's how to do your math homework, but make sure they know that that is not the reason you are friends with them. Express your gratitude and show them that you value them for reasons besides their brain. I realized that upholding relationships solely for the purpose of getting "tutored" are not worth it. Their are tons of other opportunities for help and this kind of relationship will always leave someone - probably the tutor friend - feeling devalued. I've learned to not sprout a fake friendship just because it will be advantageous. I've learned to create real friendships and if a friend is so kind to help you me in school, to make sure they know how much I appreciate it.
5. Question what's actually right for you / what you actually want
This is a huge one that I have to be reminded of constantly. In fact, I have a post-it note at my desk that says "is what you're doing a have to? Or get to?" In college, their are so many opportunities - and you can do anything you want. I've learned that I only have so much time to give, so I better spend that doing things I care about and want to be doing. The great thing about college is that if you find yourself constantly feeling put-down in your friend group, or disagreeing with an organization you're in, you don't have to pursue them. Their are so many more students to become friends with, so many more organizations to join. Besides maybe school itself, you get to choose your path. Look at opportunities as trials and ask yourself "Does this actually align with my beliefs? Am I excited to go here, to hang out with them, to do this?" You only have so much to give - spend yourself on the right things.
