When I was 4, I asked my parents for a puppy dog for Christmas. They said they would think about it and in my mind that was an automatic yes. I waited and waited and on Christmas day, my family took me to the hospital. They said it was for my “Christmas present.” Why my puppy was at the hospital I didn’t know but I was still super excited. When I arrived in the room, I was shown my new baby brother. I said something along the lines of, “I would’ve rather had a puppy.” Since December 24, 2000, I have been the older sister, which means I’ve been a partner in crime, a tattle-tale, a second mom, and a confidant. Being the oldest child in the family is odd sometimes. You start to view life a little differently when there is always someone looking up to you and sometimes calling you out when you’re acting like a whiny brat. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my brother for the world (now that I have a few puppies) but here are a few things that I don’t think I would have ever learned if I wasn’t the oldest child.
1. Life Isn't Fair
When you are the oldest child, you are also the tester child. You are held to a certain set of standards and you tend to have a lot more rules to follow. When I went over to a friend’s house I had to ask about a week in advance, they had to know who all was going to be at the house, what we were planning on doing, how long I was planning on staying, have my friend’s parent’s numbers, and they would spend at least two hours talking to their parents before they left. The rules seemed ridiculous at the time but now I know they were just making sure I was safe and had a good idea of responsibility. With my little brother, it’s a whole different ball game. If he asks to go out that night, he will probably get to go and if they don’t actually know his friend’s parents or have their number that’s cool too. They don’t ask near as many questions. When I first noticed this, I won’t lie, I was a little bitter. He gets away with things I would have most defiantly would have got grounded for. That’s the thing, we are different children, born at different times, in different stages of our parents lives. Nothing will ever be fair. You can get mad that they weren’t treated the exact same as you but it gets you no where fast. The real world is the same way. Life is never going to treat you the same as anyone else and just because something works one way for you doesn’t mean that it will for anyone else. You just have to such it up, move on, and focus on yourself.
2. Be the Bigger Person
If you have a sibling, you know what it means to have fights. Me and my brother had so many fights that I wouldn’t begin to be able to name them all. It ranged from who got to ride up front in the truck to who got to pick the TV show we watched to who had to put the dishes up. We would scream and yell until we were red in the face getting no closer to a solution. Eventually my parents would intervene and either make us agree, send us to our rooms, or tell me to be the bigger person because I was the oldest and let him have what he wanted. That always ticked me off because as a kid it registered as him always getting his way since he was the baby. That is not what being the bigger person is about. There have been countless arguments I’ve gotten into in college over things a lot more important than the TV channel and just like me and my brother, I don’t always come to a mutual solution with the other person. Being the bigger person means sometimes you just have to realize that you aren’t going to win, and by bowing out gracefully you just might get things done quicker in the long run. Not everyone has to know you’re right, as long as you do.
3. Parents Aren't Perfect
When you’re the oldest kid, you tend to see a different side of your parents from your siblings. It may be that they spend so much time with you that you kind of become one of their close friends or something to that effect but I feel like I saw a much rawer side of my parents than my brother did. I knew when we were struggling financially, I knew when they had a lot on their plate, and I knew when they had goofed and forgot that we had certain events later that day and were not at all prepared to come back to the school for a volleyball game. It was frustrating when they forgot things that I felt were particularly important because it was about me but I realized that they were human too and not the superheroes I always imagined them as. I saw the tears and the heartbreak even when they didn’t mean for me to. Knowing that even my parents weren’t perfect allowed me to be a little more empathetic to other peoples mistakes in general. When a teacher messes up or when people in my organizations forget important tasks I tend to see how they would forget because even the best of us have those moments.
4. Being Responsible for Yourself
Going from being an only child to the oldest of two is a bigger change than you would expect. One moment you are the center of the world for essentially everyone in your family and then you have to split that attention two ways. They don’t always have time to make sure you handle everything. Eventually, you learn to make sure you get your own homework done, your chores are done without asking, and you start helping others get their tasks handled. You start to realize that when you don’t handle things that are solely your responsibility it effects the others around you who depends on you to get it done.
5. Being Able to Make Sacrifices for Others
Sometimes when there is more than one kid in a family, there are occasionally conflicts in what you both want. That may mean not going out with friends so your sibling can hang out with his because your parents need help around the house, not doing an extracurricular like cheerleading or girl scouts because your brother wants to play football and your family can’t afford to pay for both, or staying up super late to check your siblings homework so you know that he will pass his final even though you just came home from break and want to be relaxing. Being the older sibling means that sometimes you don’t get to do things you want or have things your way. It also means knowing that sometimes these sacrifices go unnoticed. I know that even though I may not get a thank you or that they may not see these things as sacrifices like I do, that by doing them I make my brothers life a little easier and a little more relaxed and that is enough for me.
These lessons even though they didn’t seem like lessons when they were happening have actually helped me navigate life a little easier. I loved sharing my childhood with my younger brother and watching him grow into the amazing guy he is today. As much as I would like to think I helped him grow, I know having him around helped me grow just as much. If you don’t have a younger sibling I’m sorry because you’re sorely missing out.
