This summer, I lived on my own for the first time. Like, really on my own. No roommates, no parents, nothing—just me and a studio apartment in Midtown East, Manhattan.
This intense solitude was awesome for about two days before I realized I needed to associate with other human beings. I might be an introvert, but I'm not Thoreau—I have to get out and do something at least a few times a week. Unfortunately, socializing can be pretty difficult in the Big Apple. It seems like everyone is already doing their own thing, and the size and scope of the city can be scary. I want to share the five best things I learned about socializing in Manhattan as an introvert, in the hope that I can keep my fellow homebodies from (involuntarily) eating toast for dinner and watching the "90210" reboot on a Saturday night.
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1. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there on social media.
If you're interested in hanging out with certain communities in the city, look around for Facebook groups and events dedicated to those communities. See if any of your Tumblr mutuals live in the city and want to hang. You can even create a Tinder and specify on your profile that you're looking for friends with similar interests—you might annoy some of the partner-seekers out there, but it works! Meetup.com is also a great way to, well, meet up with like-minded folks.
Before you hang out with anyone for the first time, be sure to tell someone you know in real life where you're going, who you're meeting, when you're meeting them, and when you expect to be back. Your parents will thank me.
2. Get ready to awkwardly friend-network.
Got friends who grew up in New York who think you would get along with their high school pals, or their cousin, or their grandmother's dog-walker? Go for it. Does the girl one cubicle over at your internship know somebody else who majors in both computer science and Buddhist studies, and you thought you were the only one? Make it happen.
Also, don't put an age limit on your friends! Your parents or relatives might have some surprisingly rad acquaintances hanging around NYC who can offer you advice on how to get by in the Big City. Plus, folks with actual jobs tend to be compassionate enough to pay for their unpaid intern friend's cup of coffee now and again.
3. Got a favorite spot? Chat up the employees!
If there's a bookstore or coffee shop that you like a whole lot, odds are the employees like you quite a bit in return. After all, your caffeine/scone/graphic-novel addiction is helping them make some cash. If you're a regular and you make pleasant small talk with some of the employees, try asking them what they like to do around the city. This can be hard to do without sounding like an old fart trying to "get down with the youth," but I believe in your ability to make it work.
Additionally, a lot of places in New York have cool events going on all week. Find out if your favorite spot doubles as an event space by visiting their website or checking out their corkboard. I've been to the Bluestockings bookstore like, 9 billion times this summer since I found out about them through a Pride event, and they have an events page up on their website.
4. Go to events that interest you and psych yourself up for small talk.
Even though hanging out with people is great, you still shouldn't be afraid to go to things solo. Take yourself out to the movies, an open mic, a film screening, or even a club. Keep your eyes open for people who look like your kind, and you might make friends along the way! There are tons of college kids roaming the city for internships with no clue what to do or where to go, especially during the summer. You can be clueless together!
Another easy, more big-picture way to meet people with shared interests in NYC is to join groups that interest you. I wanted to meet fellow Film Studies kids, so the first thing I did when I came to the city was volunteer for a film festival. The volunteering experience alone was amazing, and I got to make friends that I've hung out with the entire time I've been here.
5. Try to instigate some hangouts.
I frequently wish my life was a sitcom, and that I had a quirky, big-sisterly friend around to pull me off the couch and take me to an intense performance art show on a Tuesday night. Unfortunately, manic pixie dream girls do not exist (romantically or platonically), and occasionally it's up to us to pull ourselves off the couch, because our friends have lives of their own. If you really want to hang out with someone, just remember that they probably want to hang out with you, too.
Plus, even if you bought tickets to that thing or you made those lunch plans a week ago, and suddenly an hour beforehand you don't feel like going anymore, I promise you will probably have a good time if you go. At the very least, all seven seasons of "Gilmore Girls" will still be waiting patiently on Netflix for your return. And, if you don't end up going, your friends will still love you, and everything will be fine.
Fly free, little introverts! Let's take this city by storm!
