For as long as I can remember, I was told that I can be anything I wanna be as long as I put the work in. This is the mantra told to kids repeatedly by parents, grandparents, teachers, and anyone else I blurted out my future dreams to at 5 years old. As an adult though, I see that this isn't true. We all have strengths and weaknesses and embracing the strengths is the best way to carve out a successful niche in life. Sadly for the people below though, they didn't get that memo. Whether it was "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome, a need to validate themselves, or trying to stay relevant, these 5 celebrities decided to try out the pop star route (thanks to auto tune) to create these monstrosities below. Without further ado, here are 5 celebrities and their embarrassing as hell pop songs and irrefutable proof that money can pretty buy you anything.
1. Kim Kardashian - Jam (Turn It Up)
Nothing sounds authentic about this track. Kim is quite well-known for not being a huge party girl, but this song is definitely meant to be played in the club. However, many pop stars use songs written by other people so that's not really a huge deal. The most laugh inducing part is the sheer amount of auto tune used. Like who the hell released this?? I understand wanting to overcome the "She's only famous for a sex tape" quip, but her bank account should comfort her enough.
2. Tiffany Trump (the other Trump daughter) - Like A Bird
Tiffany is definitely the black sheep of the Trump family. As vocal as Trump is praising Ivanka's beauty, he's equally quiet on his daughter Tiffany's anything. Well this cry for attention may not have gotten her dad's attention, but it sure has mine. The lyrics are barely audible and autotuned to hell. Crash and burn.
3. Paris Hilton - Nothing In This World
Paris Hilton has been trying to cultivate a legitimate music career for at least 7 years now, and she has actually become a pretty successful DJ. I actually think her music is the least embarrassing on this list (I actually like the song Stars Are Blind), but in this case the song isn't the real problem. It's the video that goes with it. Some pre-pubescent boy has a "crush" on Paris Hilton. In response, she decides to sexily dance around him in his bed while singing lyrics like "Nothing in the world can stop us tonight" and "I can do what she can do so much better." Holy pedophile, make it stop.
4. Heidi Montag - Superficial
Famous for being Lauren Conrad's nemesis on The Hills and getting like 10 plastic surgeries and ironically becoming less good looking in one shot under the knife, Heidi Montag and huge douche husband (I forget his name, it seriously isn't important) dumped millions of their own money into trying to make Heidi famous. Once The Hills ended, they were desperate to find another way to bring large amounts of cash in (a la the publicity stunt that was Heidi's 10 surgeries at once). Enter Heidi's "career" as a pop star. All (yes more than one) of her songs somehow all sound the same and auto tune is obviously the real MVP here, but this songs lyrics make me double over in laughter. Her main lyric is "They say I'm superficial but they really don't know me," but the rest of the song mentions her wearing diamonds for breakfast and being so sexy, famous, and rich that all the other girls want to be her....this girl was (is?) clueless.
5. David Hasselhoff - Jump In My Car
I saved the absolute best for last. The only thing I can say is please, please look up the lyrics to this monstrosity.
