It’s the most wonderful time of the year, when you get to coordinate around your Sugar Daddy’s schedule to figure out what part of the holidays you get to spend with your family and what part you spend in his closet, hiding from his wife. But what Christmas present is good enough for the High Fructose Corn Syrup Parent who has it all? Here are some ideas for what you can give back to the person that gives so much back to you!

1. A Handmade Keepsake

Your Splenda Mother may be able to buy anything they want, but nothing will top a homemade gift from you! For example, use plaster of paris to make a cast of your hand, or some other more interesting piece of your anatomy. Instead of the blackout curtains they always hang in hotel rooms when you go out, cover all the windows with a layer of hand-cut paper snowflakes. Whether you bake a dozen holiday cookies splattered in cream cheese frosting or hang a homemade ornament with a special picture of you, your Fructose Foster will cherish it forever.

2. A Photo of the Two of You, With At Least One of You Cropped Out

For discretion reasons, you obviously can’t post the picture of you in a bikini and your Honey Papa in a business suit just anywhere in the house they share with their legitimate SO, adult and otherwise children, and witty butler (For the record, Alfred Pennyworth counts as all three). Still, you can get a nice frame for that photo of the two of you in Cabana, and simply drape a fancy handkerchief over the half with you in it!

3. A Heartfelt Card

There’s nothing your Molasses Momma will enjoy more than a simple letter from you. After all, your entire job description is basically providing the emotional connection that is lacking from routine prostitution. Your Brown Sugar Boss will be certain to hold it close to their heart until they replace you with an even younger alternative.

4. Customized Office Supplies

Sure, your Carbohydrate Caretaker has a lot of pens and such to sign traveler’s checks and physically mark you as their chattel, but you can buy a personalized set that reflect your uniquely sticky relationship. Maybe you can even go big and snag a Keurig on Black Friday to make it that much easier for you to brew post-coitus cups o’ joe.

5. Sugar Daddies

The ultimate Dad joke!