The end of the semester means a crunch of deadlines. Papers, exams, there are endless permutations of the work we must and or should do. This list offers some of the best avoidance strategies.

1. Make a checklist.

Add already finished items to the checklist to momentarily make yourself feel productive. Start doing work for another item. Realize you need to make another checklist to drive yourself through this task. Repeat ad infinitum.

2. Keep your punishingly large textbook within arm’s length at all times.

When friends inquire, give them a belabored monologue about how awful the class is. “Very hard. So hard! The worst. And the professor can’t teach – sad!” Never open the textbook; it’s useless anyways.

3. Print out all the practice exams.

Print out all the tables. Print out all the handouts. Stack up all your papers. Now fan them out. If you carefully turn over one end, you can flip them all over in concert! Very cool!

4. Call your parents to complain about all the studying/writing/etc. you have to do.

Let your mom tell you not to work too hard and wring her hands for you. Tell her, “It’s ok, mom. I have to do this. I’ll manage.” Enjoy the ephemeral feeling of bootstrapping.

5. Tell yourself you will start doing work in fifteen minutes.

Realize that this means you will start working at a time that is not a multiple of five. Add the requisite minutes to make a multiple of five. Now you finally can relax and get started on your work!