Every retail worker comes to recognize the same types of customers coming through the entrance every day. Sure, there are the rarer-than-unicorn shoppers that are genuinely polite in asking for assistance and even make a point in thanking you for being helpful or starting a conversation as you scan their items. And sure, others are just your everyday people who are polite enough and no trouble at all. A decent portion, perhaps teetering on being the majority, of customers though fall into one of the five categories of frustrating patrons. A long-time employee can recognize these archetypes at a distance.
1. The Customer That Can't Read
They could also be called the customer who selectively reads. These are the clients that will insist the sale sign applies to their purchase for instance despite the sign clearly saying "select items" across the bottom. Another prime example of this is the customer that reads a portion of the return policy out loud and smirks with pride, holding their hand out for cash back, while ignoring the next four lines that explain the store simply does not give cash refunds even though the top portion offers a return.
2. The Hansel and Gretel Customer
This patron leaves a literal trail through the store like the two fairy tale kids left a trail through the woods, except the customer opts to leave a trail of upset and misplaced merchandise in lieu of bread. They pick every item up often carry it a few feet away to show their friend or hold up to themselves in front of a mere before promptly hanging the dress back on the nearest rack or unceremoniously tossing it on the nearest table although the correct home for the merchandise is two feet away. While recovering the store, you often end up following their trail and run into them still shopping (pictured above is a fitting room at the end of a trail I followed). It's wise to just stick around and fix the damage as they make it.
3. The Silent Customer
In a strange phenomenon, this customer, at best, will only give the vaguest nods or head shakes in response to questions. Traditionally, they will stare blankly at your greeting when they walk in the door and continue the blank stare when you ask if you may have their email address for coupons while cashing them out. Their behavior becomes only more perplexing when they turn and start gabbing to their shopping companion a second after the completion of the minute long silent transaction.
Bonus: The antithesis of this customer is the tells-their-whole-life-story customer who feels the need to tell you why they are buying a pair of jeans which snowballs into a story about their first puppy.
4. The Customer That Can't Put Down Their Phone
Somehow, they manage to pick up several items and even try on clothes all while on the phone. This type of customer comes in several varieties, from the less annoying constant texter to the face-time user who simply cannot end the call although their camera is pointed at the ceiling for most of the conversation. This customer does not necessarily ignore or refuse to speak to you like the last type though they may. They may also become irritated when you interrupt their call to say something to them such as, "Did you find everything you were looking for?" or "Your total is $12.90."
5. The Customer That Will Speak To The Manager
The worst of all customers is the one insistent on speaking to the manager. Even non-retail workers can identify this one by their signature haircut. Don't be fooled, however: this customer is not limited to the blonde soccer moms as men can just as easily fall into this category. They will yell loudly about never shopping at that store again with disdain as they are denied whatever request they may have whether it be insisting they deserve a price-match though your store has never done price-matching or that they should be allowed to use an online coupon in store. They will not rest until you as the lowly sales associate, the head cashier, the assistant manager, and the store manager had explained why their request is impossible. Even at that point, they will just ask for your district manager's phone number before storming out, vowing never to return.
Until next week when they find a different coupon.
Having experienced all five of these customers, sometimes within the same shift, I have no advice other than to put on your best retail smile and remember that the customer is not always right, but they will eventually leave the store.
