We celebrate our presidents on President's Day, but I don't feel like celebrating the one that we have currently. His actions have oftentimes left me wishing I could live in some other fictional universe where true isn't false and Covfefe is an alien pop music group who has dominated the music charts for eons.
What would this fictional universe be like though? It would be lots of fun to live in, especially because Donald Trump wouldn't be president. There would be watermelon and noodle soup. There would be infinite Indian food and my stomach would never get full. There would be Covfefe with their latest hit single, "Ich blot dingledorf".
This fictional universe hits a snag though because our interstellar contract with Covfefe that says they're music can only be distributed pending presidential approval (to ensure their isn't any intergalactic hate speech of course). It is now my job to pick the candidates for who might replace Donald Trump as president or else no one on Earth gets this new fire Covfefe single.
Given that this is a fictional universe, these candidates should probably be fictional. This fictional universe also exists to escape a bad president, so the candidates have to be better than Donald Trump. This really doesn't narrow it down much. Either way, here are 5 fictional characters who would make better presidents than Donald Trump.
1. Uncle Iroh
Is Uncle Iroh wise? Yes. Does Uncle Iroh like tea? Yes. Did Uncle Iroh have the ability to shoot fire and lightning from his hands? Yes. Even if he doesn't turn out to be a great president - which I highly doubt would happen since he was originally supposed to be the leader of the Fire Nation before he abdicated - he can put on a hell of a light show.
2. Hermione Granger
Yes Hermione, we are talking about you, the real hero of Harry Potter, the one with almost all the knowledge and answers and the skills to match. Your effort and dedication to the cause did not go unnoticed, and someone of your capacity is needed to fill this important role.
3. Optimus Prime
Not only does he defend our planet from those dastardly Decepticons (although I've heard they love Covfefe so they can't be that bad), he is also a robot. It seems like Optimus would be a great champion for STEM education, which I think is really what this country needs. The only downside is it appears he is a truck which makes me think he has ties to the auto industry and big business.
4. Ms. Frizzle
The commitment to our youth by Ms. Frizzle cannot be understated. It takes a special kind of person to make decomposition interesting, so imagine how much she will be able to accomplish when she directs that marketing genius towards securing the presidency.
5. Uncle Phil
Is Uncle Phil the second uncle of these candidates? Yes, but he is by no means any less than Uncle Iroh. Uncle Phil is a special man. He doesn't take any nonsense, but he also knows how to cut loose and have a good time. This is a man who doesn't stand for people being treated unfairly. and a man who would change the way our country works for the better.
