Last week, I brought you an article about the five grammar mistakes I wish I could wipe the internet—or the entire English language—clean of. I did mention, however, that in addition to all the cringing, wincing, and internal sobbing that comes along with many grammatical errors, there are also some absolutely hilarious mistakes. This week, I’m sharing some of my favorite grammar fails, typos, and downright awesome inventions that I’ve stumbled upon throughout my years on this planet, and some of them are actually pretty creative: after all, Shakespeare invented words when he needed new ones. Unlike last week’s article, I do actually have a rough order for this list, from “this made me blow extra air out my nose and the corners of my mouth twitched slightly upward as I typed 'lol'” to “I was laughing so hard I had to stop everything I was doing and just sit there contemplating life for a minute.” So, without further ado, here we go:
5. “Do never give up bro I belive at you”
This one actually makes me smile more than laugh outright. It’s clearly meant to be an inspirational message, and there’s honestly some merit to that: one of my friends and I use this to encourage each other whenever we have a ton of homework, when we’re going for job interviews, if we’re taking on a task we’re nervous about doing, or if we’re just generally feeling kind of worn out and need a little pep talk. We’ve actually each taken half of this quote for our blog titles, too, and it’s become our own little inside joke.
As far as grammar and spelling go, it could be a whole lot worse: the only word actually spelled incorrectly here is “believe,” and that could easily have been a typo (because everyone misses a key here or there). My favorite part of this is the idea of believing at someone: I think of it as sending out rays of belief at them, with kind of a “wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh” sound in the background (like a Star Trek sound effect). It actually makes me really happy, which contributes to the overall power of the phrase to make me laugh. It’s a really good pick-me-up at this point… at least for me. Maybe don’t try this one out of context, though.
4. “Need to Use the Sleep”
This is something I feel like I would type in a late-night conversation with one of my friends. Stranger things have happened. Inside jokes have resulted. Anyway, amusingly, it was definitely after midnight, probably after 2:00 a.m., and likely a night I should have been in bed to wake up for my classes the next morning when I discovered this gem and broke down laughing. It sounds like an amusing translation error, or something one might find in The Sims, and somehow, that makes it even better.
3. "Alot"
I used to cringe—or maybe cry—when I saw people write or type "alot" instead of "a lot." I am woman enough to admit that. But thanks to this post on this beautiful blog, instead of wanting to weep for the future of humanity, I now picture this glorious creature:
The blog's author describes the alot as "a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug." Also "an imaginary creature that [she] made up to help [her] deal with [her] compulsive need to correct other people's grammar."
For the record, "a lot" is two words, just like "a little" is two words. I can't be correcting anything if there's nothing to correct, but I wouldn't be doing my job if this article didn't make you laugh and teach you something, right?
The alot has helped people far and wide deal with the grammar of those who need to revisit their elementary school days... and in terms of one awful error, anyway, it has made the world a little brighter.
I suppose that's a bit literal, but yes, alot... you do make the world brighter.
2. “Mrenbiolijust”
Can you guess what this word is supposed to be? (I paused the video for so long trying to figure it out. I couldn’t.)
Hint: it’s a job.
… Nothing?
It’s “marine biologist.” Credit to the typist for getting the “biol” part right, at least, but I laughed until I was blue in the face at this one. I just couldn’t help myself. Sorry, can’t help the puns. I know this person really tried to spell it, but wow, this looks what a five-year-old would write in response to the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" This absolutely made my day when I saw it, and it made me feel so much better about every typo I have ever made.
Good luck, Cheryl S. I wish you the best in all your endeavors. Especially in spelling.
1. Insults or Corrections with Spelling or Grammar Errors
This is definitely my favorite (and I'm going to try to describe this without being too harsh). It really takes the edge off a witty retort or smart comeback when something isn't spelled right, or you've left an extra word in a sentence because you changed it (and you look much less intelligent than we both know you are). Proofread your sass, people!
And the corrections! If the person attempting to correct someone else can't even spell their correction properly, do they really know enough to be correcting other people? Really?
If anyone needs me, I'll be curled up on my bed hugging my dictionary.
I know people who correct other people's grammar are some of the most hated people on the internet (so I may kind of be drawing in a lot of negativity here... oops), but while I certainly have no love for these guys, they never fail to make me laugh... and want to bang my head against a wall. Simultaneously.
They're still my favorite thing to encounter, if I have to see a spelling or grammar mistake somewhere, it's just my favorite in a "please-go-back-to-first-grade-and-take-notes" sort of way.
Honorable Mention: “Moo Point”
Okay, I didn’t want to include this one in the list proper because not only is it not a typo—it's actually more like a misheard lyric, come to think of it—it was also written by professional writers. However, since I have actually used this in conversation before, I felt it needed to be on this list.
Although now that I think about it, I wonder what it says about me personally that I’ve quoted Joey Tribbiani…
Haven't quoted that, though. I'll take that as a good sign.
Anyway, except with my friends who are "Friends" fanatics like I am, I have to explain this like Joey does—and then explain that it’s from "Friends" and that I do actually know the correct phrase—but nevertheless, I bring this out surprisingly often.
Do Never Give Up
That's certainly not all there is: that YouTube series I mentioned in my last article? It's got 110 videos and is still going strong, all because of the best of the worst grammar both on and off the internet (#5 and #2 on this list are both from that series, too). I've gotten deeply amusing homonyms in emails from my university professors—"lieu" and "loo" mean two very different things, by the way—and just the other day, my friend mentioned an email her mom got from her boss using "weather" instead of "whether." I've made plenty of my own mistakes, as well, which is one of the reasons I'm so vigilant about my grammar now (because it is extremely embarrassing to reread a message you sent to someone you were trying to impress and realize you accidentally wrote "smimilar" instead of "similar"). My point is that mistakes happen, even to the best of us. Just reread your comment or correction before you post it... and maybe do a quick Google search if you don't know how to spell something: applying to university with the hope of being a "mrenbiolijust" is probably not going to get you admitted, no matter how many people you've got "beliving at you."
