Have a crush on someone but don’t know how to express your love? This list of easy dinners will help you do just that for Valentine's Day! All of them are delicious and all have a 100% guarantee of getting you laid! (And also a 100% guarantee of distracting you from the political turmoil on your Facebook page for a solid five minutes!)

1. Ketchup and Bread. By far one of my fave dinners that is super low in calories but high in ~romance~. Sooooo easy to prepare, and hardly any cooking is involved! All you need is 2 good slices of white bread, and your favorite bottle of ketchup. Put the ketchup on the bread and mash it together, sandwich style. A true delicacy that Julia Child herself would for sure approve of. And if you want to get a lil extra fancy, stick that bad boy in the microwave for 30 seconds and drizzle with a teaspoon of honey.

2. Cinnamon Toast Crunch Sriracha bites. Literally everyone loves Cinnamon Toast Crunch and literally everyone loves Sriracha sauce. So what do ya do if you wanna make a bomb ass dinner, and get laid at the same time? MIX THAT SHIT TOGETHER YO. All you need is one cup of cinnamon toast crunch mixed with ½ cup of siracha sauce. Put the oven to 350 degrees and bake it for 30 minutes. So crispy, so spicy, and oh so good.

3. Cold Hot Dogs. This one is perfect for you if you don’t have any time to make your crush anything! Literally just take the hot dogs out of the prepackaged Costco box you got them from, put them on a stick, and you will have a dinner that Gordon Ramsay would praise you for. So simple, so elegant, so refined.

4. Vegan Carroty Delight. Okay this one’s for all my vegan buddies out there who are reading this list thinking wtf Phoebe, my vegan crush and I can’t eat any of this bullshit. Well don’t you fret, cause I want to make sure to include y’all as well. All you need for this recipe is a bunch of carrots and some dirt. Chop ¼ up, puree a ¼, mash a ¼, and boil the remaining ¼. Then, mix it all together in dirt and you’ve got a meal from mother earth herself. (If you really want to go the extra mile, make sure to display your food creation in a pot for plants.)

5. Cinnamon Soup. Last but not least, a got a Gluten Free dessert recipe for you guys! This recipe calls for a cup of cinnamon, water and mayonnaise. Start off by mixing the cinnamon and water together in a crockpot to get a good consistency. For thickness, add in some mayonnaise, (a little bit at a time), until soup reached desired consistency. Leave it on low for 8 hours and you’ll have a hearty soup when you return from work.