I won't pretend that I go on a whole lot of first dates, so maybe this should be titled The 5 Things Girls Who Don't go on a lot of First Dates Think About Before a First Date, but I'm a selective gal. However, I don't think I'm alone in these neurotic, self conflicting, mind consuming thoughts. Read it and weep girls because this one won't be the last you hear from my dating drama and I.

1. What am I going to wear

No matter who you are, or how confident you are, the first thing we ask ourselves before a date is what the hell am I going to wear. In the summer, my main concern is always the sweat that is going to start collecting on my upper lip, and if white actually hides sweat marks. If you read my last article, you'll know wearing shorts can lead to major chaffing, but sweaty jeans has lead to several people asking if I'm in suede. Basically, avoid summer dates at all cost. Although I'm not sure if the puffy coat is very sexy. Alright, so point taken, don't go on a date?

2. What does he look like again?

So we have the outfit down, but now I can't remember what the kid looks like. I swear every single time I have been asked on a date I all of a sudden completely lose all control of what this guy looks like and what if I don't recognize him when I walk in the bar? Do I stand there hoping he'll make eye contact and wave me over. What If he is relying on me to say hi first? Most importantly, what if he notices i gained 5 pounds since my last updated Jswipe picture in those white jeans? Maybe I shouldn't wear white jeans.

3. Drinks vs. Food

So I see him, and I go over to the table he's at. Okay, acknowledge he's at a table and not sitting at the bar, are we eating? I know all you foodies out there get excited for a date at a cool, trendy restaurant, but I'll be honest, a sober date should never be an option either. So I always find myself asking, are we going to be eating, drinking, or both. And what am I suppose to eat? He'll know I'm starving if I get a salad, but will the ketchup sliding down my chin reel him in? How many drinks is too many? Is vodka not too aggressive and is beer saying "hi I'm your manly date?" I think let's stick to the drinks and get that pizza slice on your walk home, alone.

4. Going in for the kiss

Three drinks in and he didn't buy me food, I'm sitting here a little more friendly and not sure if I should be trying to sneak over to rite aide to buy an extra toothbrush. Now here is the big question that is on our minds throughout the whole day, if you're cute of course. Are you going to kiss me and when? Now not every date ends in a kiss, and I don't think that means you're totally out of the question for the future. However, is a kiss saying I'm easy, or I really like you? I like to pretend that this will come naturally and after those drinks you'll feel more at ease, but we're talking about me here.

5. The follow up date

So he didn't kiss you, or maybe he planted a big, wet one on you. But now what? He already has my number, or at least my Jswipe name, so just go ahead and ask me out again. If he hugs you and says I had a great time and bye, I'm sorry. If he says I had a great time when are you free next, I'll meet you at David's Bridal. I'm joking, but really, it is always a good feeling to know he wants to see you again, right?