42 Thoughts Everyone Who Works In Retail Has During The Holidays | The Odyssey Online
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42 Thoughts Everyone Who Works In Retail Has During The Holidays

A little humor in the mass craziness that is retail.

Katherine Vanke
Dec 13, 2015
Kent State University
17
42 Thoughts Everyone Who Works In Retail Has During The Holidays
  1. All right, time to start this shift. 8:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. I can do this.
  2. How is it only 10:03 a.m.? I have been here for 16 hours.
  3. There are already too many people here. Why are you all here already? Don’t you have jobs or families?
  4. This store isn’t nearly as festive as it should be.
  5. There are too many Santas in this store. Tone it down, please.
  6. Yes, ma’am! I will defiantly check in the back for a clearance product that we sold out of in March. I need to check my phone again, anyway.
  7. Why won’t anyone smile back at me? Aren’t people supposed to be jolly during the holidays?
  8. I am thirsty.
  9. I am only asking how you are because my boss is staring at me. I really don’t have time to do your Christmas shopping.
  10. And now, I am Christmas shopping. Guess my work can wait.
  11. Time to take a break! How have I only been here for two hours?
  12. No, I want to go on break! I don’t want to go to the backroom again!
  13. Again, Christmas shopping for a family that isn’t mine.
  14. I wish my mom would buy me those boots. Kelly is a lucky girl.
  15. Okay! I am now safe in the break room!
  16. Why don’t we get any treats? I want a holiday cookie.
  17. Maybe I will make cookies on my lunch. But there isn’t an oven in here. Can you make cookies in the microwave?
  18. There is a tray of old vegetables in here. Guess that’s our holiday treat.
  19. That break was too short. I am not ready to venture back out.
  20. Wow, I think the entire state of Kentucky is in this store right now.
  21. I haven’t walked this many steps all year. This store seems so much bigger with all these people.
  22. If I have to check on a toy in the backroom one more time, I will vomit.
  23. If no store in a 30 mile radius has this blender, why do you think we do? Why wouldn’t you call before?
  24. I am so thirsty.
  25. Thank you for knocking this entire rack of clothes over three minutes before my lunch. I promise this is exactly what I wanted to be doing.
  26. I need a break and a snack.
  27. I am so very tired.
  28. LUNCH!
  29. I only have another two hours, 17 minutes and 45 seconds left for this shift. I can do this.
  30. And a kid just threw up on the floor. I can’t do this.
  31. Manager, I know you’re upset that I haven’t made any progress. But there are three piles of things to sort and put back on the floor, and I am only one person.
  32. I have never been this thirty.
  33. Old people are the best.
  34. Except when they yell at you for your pants. Then they are the worst.
  35. 30 minutes left!
  36. Another Christmas list! WHY? I can’t read your writing!
  37. Okay, I’m done, time to clock out.
  38. Only to be stopped by three customers. Great!
  39. Freedom! Hooray!
  40. But I will be back tomorrow morning.
  41. And I am still thirsty.
  42. We really do need an oven in the break room.
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