Coming from a 15-year, seasoned veteran of Catholic schools, these are the lessons I learned from my time served. Some days I feel as if I was born wearing khakis and a uniform polo. Here are some tell tale signs that you too, were a Catholic School kid.
1. You probably went through the single to double digits with the same group of kids.
From learning to use the big girl toilet and going through puberty together, you experienced it all.
2. You participated in playing either Mary, Joseph, an angel or a combination of all three at some point in time.
I know you still have this costume tucked away in your closet, let's be real.
3. Your outfit was the same, every single day. From your headband to your socks.
A different variation in the print of plaid for the upcoming school year was Earth Shattering.
4. You could say the entire Nicene Creed before you could multiply.
Pure talent.
5. At some point in time you have wanted to wear your uniform to recreate Britney's Baby One More Time.
*Insert embarrassing 16-year-old mirror selfie here*
6. The only nail color you could wear was a French Manicure.
Lord, bless your soul to if you tried to get past the nuns with bright red polish.
7. If you hear a Veggie Tales song you can probably sing the entire thing, seeing that you've seen just about every episode.
Barbra Manatee, you're still the one for me.
8. When a new student transferred into your grade, it was like getting a new member of the family.
Are the cute? Do they have siblings? Why are they here?
9. Accidentally falling asleep during Friday morning Masses.
Peacefully asleep until you just about have a heart attack from the bells ringing.
10. Forgetting on Ash Wednesday that you had ashes on your forehead and ending up with a black smear.
"You have some dirt on your head." "No, I'm just Catholic."
11. Risking wearing colored socks and seeing how long you could manage to get away with it.
The boldest form of badassery.
12. Someone's birthday in class? That meant one thing. Cupcakes.
Peep the Mary statue given as party favors.
13. As soon as you see a pew it's like autopilot for one knee to go on the ground to genuflect.
I'm not even in a Catholic Church. *Still feels the urge to genuflect."
14. "Leave room for the Holy Spirit."
Accompanied by a chaperone watching you the rest of the night.
15. Having to memorize the books of the Bible.
I have a hard time as it is with names, but biblical ones? I'm dead.
16. Being able to recite or give a summary of every parable.
You don't know the mustard seed story? Where have you been.
17. Stations of the Cross meant having to sit in a pew for hours on end.
The most painstakingly boring hours of a child's life.
18. You still have something against the girl who got chosen to put the flower crown on the Mary Statue during May Crowning.
She didn't even know all the lyrics to Ave Maria. *eye rolls*
19. You still have some trauma from your odd years of Catholic schooling.
Always watching your back for a dress code violation.
20. You still feel the need to tuck your shirt in, even if you're not wearing a polo.
*Wears a T-shirt and gets the urge to tuck it into jeans.*
21. The never ending mystery of first grade you trying to imagine what the Eucharist actually tasted like.
Having long discussions during recess over the mystery taste.
22. You still know how to roll a skirt like a pro.
Don't you dare get caught.
23. There were at least four Michaels or Maries in your class.
"Michael!" *Seven heads turn around and look at you*
24. Strategizing how to sit next to your crush in Mass for you got to hold their hand during Our Father and Peace.
Nervous? no, never. *Hands clammy as you slowly died inside.*
25. Catholic Schools week was the time to turn up.
Get jiggy with the Holy Spirit.
26. Hot Lunch.
The holy mecca of monthly Friday Lunch.
27. Accidentally dropping the Bible and praying to God that this wasn't going to be the end of you.
Picking it up and hoping sister didn't see.
28. Being an Altar Server made you the local celebrity in the class for that mass.
The coveted position.
29. To this very day, you can't find it in you to walk across the grass.
Living in fear that Sister Jean will pop up to scold you.
30. Write in cursive or don't write at all.
Writing in print? Then you better prepare to rewrite your entire assignment.
31. You prayed when you got to school, before lunch, after lunch, before a test and before you went home.
Anytime is prayer time.
32. Catholic Guilt.
I am into my 20's and still feel the affects. Even from leaving a bite of food on my plate.
33. 50 different shades of Navy, plaid, white, and khaki.
The color palette of a true fashionista.
34. Catholic High School cost just about as much as a college tuition.
15,000 for the weirdest years of your life. Might as well just throw your parent's money out of a window.
35. You have never know what it's like to not buy your textbooks for school.
What do you mean that other kids never had to buy their books in elementary school?
36. Never experiencing the FCAT.
Hearing all your public school friends freak out while you sat there, clueless.
37. Accidentally eating meat on a Friday during Lent and your world came crashing down.
I had one job.
38. Do you know every Capital? No. Can you recite the entire Rosary without batting an eye? yes.
Add it to the job apps.
39. Analyzing each Commandment before confession to somehow make yourself believe you're guilty of it.
Catholic Guilt. It's real.
40. Hearing a cell phone go off in mass and waiting anxiously to see how would get caught.
Secretly hoping that yours wouldn't be the next one to go off.
41. Graduating and still having to conform to a dress code.
You thought you were going to be able to wear any color dress? That's cute.
42. Not the principal, but the Bishop giving you your Diploma.
It wasn't fair that he's the only one who got to wear pink.
41. Years after you graduate, you're still proud that you managed to survive Catholic school.
You may of not had the best time, but it was one hell of an experience.(Get it?)
