People like jokes. But everyone LOVES dad jokes. We all have someone in our lives that always has the weirdest, dumbest, and funniest jokes to tell. But, here's your chance to be the comedian. Share these jokes with your friends, and you're guaranteed to be the new class clown. Share these jokes with your Dad, and you're guaranteed to hear an even better one back.
1. Why does a duck have feathers all over its body?
To cover its butt quack!
2. What do you call a bunch of sheep falling down a steep hill?
A Lamb Slide!
3. How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
4. What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta!
5. How does a baby know its ready to be born?
It runs out of womb!
6. What time did the man go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty!
7. Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish!
8. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Its fine, he woke up.
9. Why do melons have weddings?
Because they can't elope!
10. What do you call a group of baby soldiers?
An infantry.
11. Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted.
12. Where did the vampire in college like to shop?
At Forever 21.
13. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine.
14. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles.
15. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
16. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?
Bison.
17. Want to hear a joke about construction?
I'm still working on it.
18. Can February March?
No, but April May.
19. What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
20. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A ba-na-na-na!
21. What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalapeno face!
22. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
23. I was addicted to the hokey-pokey...
But, I turned myself around.
24. Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the no-bell prize.
25. What's Forrest Gump's password?
1forrest1.
26. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.
27. Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, its tearable.
28. Why can't you have a nose that's twelve inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
29. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It was mugged.
30. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
31. Why wasn't the woman happy with the velcro she bought?
It was a ripoff.
32. What do you call lonely cheese?
Provolone.
33. What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
34. Why did the can-crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda-pressing.
35. Why couldn't the bike stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
36. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little horse.
37. What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
38. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie.
39. Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents.
40. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
41. What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on a head. I need to give these two a lift.
42. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey!
