The 42 Most Cringeworthy Dad Jokes | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

The 42 Most Cringeworthy Dad Jokes

Our favorite middle aged men have been busy at work creating these classic jabs.

64452
The 42 Most Cringeworthy Dad Jokes
PlayBuzz

Nothing will make you laugh harder, and cringe faster, than a good old fashioned dad joke. From terrifyingly creative puns to wordplay so unique not even Shakespeare could compare, our favorite men in jean shorts and sandals always find a way to give a giggle. I've rounded up the best of the best. See if your old man can rival these.

1. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

2. How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.

3. What time did the man go to the dentist?

Tooth hurt-y.

4. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans!

5. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

6. Why did the coffee have to file a police report?

Because it got mugged!

7. Why did the Clydesdale give the miniature pony a glass of water?

Because he was a little horse!

8. How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it!

9. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A ba-na-na-na!

10. How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

11. Why did the scarecrow win the prestigious award?

Because he was out standing in his field.

12. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

Irrelephant!

13. What's Forrest Gump's password?

1forrest1!

14. Don't buy anything with velcro on it.

It's always a total rip-off.

15. Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk?

The stock market.

16. What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing, it just waved.

17. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

18. I would avoid that sushi place if I were you.

It looked fishy.

19. What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

20. Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they're shellfish!

21. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fshhh.

22. Why was the octopus able to beat a shark in a fight?

The octopus came well armed.

23. A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.

Apparently the survivors are marooned.

24. Last night my girlfriend and I watched three movies back-to-back.

Luckily I was the one who was facing the T.V.

25. What cheese can never be yours?

Nacho cheese!

26. I'm reading a book about the history of glue.

I can't put it down!

27. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

28. I was considering going on an all almond diet.

But that was just nuts!

29. A furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one night stand!

30. Did I tell you about the time I fell in love during a backflip?

I was heels over head!

31. I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I'm just doing it for the kicks.

32. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they'd be bay-gulls!

33. Where does Batman go to the bathroom?

The batroom!

34. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud!

35. Why don't skeletons go trick-or-treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

36. Have you ever heard of the band Cellophane?

They mostly wrap.

37. What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt!

38. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To compliment the traffic jam.

39. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at college?

Bison.

40. Atheism?

Yeah, it's a non-prophet organization.

41. There's a new type of broom out.

I've heard it's sweeping the nation!

42. I used to have a job cleaning up leaves.

I was raking it in!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

195736
 Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions
StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

18168
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

460359
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

28018
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments