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41 Punderful Jokes

I guess you could say they are quite pun-ctual.

Stephanie Freeman

Jan 16, 2017

Shippensburg University

2150

PSU

I like to tell puns for the halibut. If you can let think of any other puns, please let minnow. I am not anywhere near finished, but enjoy!

1. I was originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

2. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side got cut off? He is all right now.

4. Why can't the bicycle stand on its own? It is two tired.

5. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It is very time consuming.

6. I only tell chemistry jokes periodically.

7. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

8. I am glad I know sign language; it is pretty handy.

9. I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na.

10. Jokes about unemployed people aren't funny. They just don't work.

11. Why aren't koalas considered bears? They do not meet the koalafications.

12. Pavlov? That name rings a bell.

13. What do you call a flying turtle? A shellicopter.

14. When is the best time to go to the dentist? Toot-hurty.

15. How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted? Shell-shocked.

16. What did the duck say when they bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.

17. How do you count cows? With a cowculator.

18. Went to a sea turtle's party last night. Had a shell of a time.

19. How do trains drink? They chug.

20. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

21. What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing; it just let out a little wine.

22. What kind of lettuce was served on the Titanic? Iceburg.

23. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye deer.

24. Deer jokes? I am very fawn of them.

25. What do skeletons order at restaurants? Spare ribs.

26. What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork chop.

27. Did you hear about the immortal frog? They took out his vocal cords so he couldn't croak.

28. What's a plummer's favorite shoes? Clogs.

29. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

30. Need an ark? I Noah guy.

31. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

32. How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

33. Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn't peeling well.

34. When you are in a pickle, dill with it.

35. The inventor of knock knock jokes should get a no-bell prize.

36. Cheese jokes are never Gouda.

37. What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for college? Bison.

38. My friend made a joke about a TV controller. It wasn’t remotely funny.

39. Don’t drink with ghosts, they can’t handle their boos.

40. I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

41. Which American president was least guilty? Lincoln, he was in a cent.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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41 Punderful Jokes

I guess you could say they are quite pun-ctual.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

2. When there is only one section of a popular course.

3. Receiving the 18,000 emails reminding you to register ASAP.

4. When you need to see an advisor, but they are too busy/unresponsive.

5. Trying not to dress like a bum for your appointments with your advisors/department heads.

6. When you have a perfectly planned out schedule, and one class ruins it.

7. Carefully moving things around to accommodate a different class/section.

8. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for your enrollment time.

9. Concocting a new schedule at your enrollment time after your original plan gets changed.

10. Getting into a class and filling the last available seat.

11. When all of your classes finally go through.

12. Realizing that you forgot a class that was a pre-requisite for everything else.

When your capability of "adulting" is put to the test

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"Nobody living in one of the most influential nations in the world should be worried about making ends meet."

What is the current minimum wage at the federal level?

What are the benefits of raising the minimum wage?

What are the states that have set a $15/hour minimum wage?

Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

1. When you have to provide an "interesting fact" for your first day ice-breaker.

2. When your professor is babbling on and on in his lecture.

3. When you edit your friend's paper and they get an A.

4. When it's 2 AM and you remember you have a test tomorrow.

5. When you finish taking the test and you're pretty sure you failed...

6. ...but then you get the test back and somehow passed.

7. When you've been up for 12 hours straight writing a paper.

8. And then you manage to stay awake in class the next day.

9. When you have to butter up your professor for an extra credit opportunity.

10. When you're assigned a group project.

11. And your group-mates are trying to chat about life instead of the assignment.

12. When it's your last class of the day and you're about to go home.

13. But then you remember rent is due tonight and the anger comes back.

Graduation is coming.

1. The classes you are taking are actually difficult.

2. You probably have a fancy internship somewhere.

3. You and your pals are all of a legal age to drink (even the late bloomers).

4. The future... what is that?

5. Apply, interview, rejection, repeat.

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