I've had my fair share of toxic relationships, or at least what I thought were toxic. My guess is that we've all endured the company of people who were not motivating us to be better people. From my experience, I can attest that the relationships that were the most deliberating and unhealthy gave me the feeling that I wasn't taking care of myself spiritually, mentally, and physically, like I should have been. I was feeling less than myself, like I was compromising myself and my life goals with each second I stayed around those people. Mind you, these are both friendships and romantic relationships. I call these relationships toxic because my authentic self withered away into someone I didn't recognize - denying all that was natural for me.

The label "toxic" means something that drains the life and energy; something that causes more pain and suffering than pleasure and happiness. Before I knew it, I was weak and fragile, subject to the whim of the person whom I've given all the power to either create or destroy me. I was guilty of it; hanging around those people too long in an effort to do what was supposedly right by societal standards - fighting to stay in a relationship instead of giving up "too soon." Little did I know that my desire to be agreeable and accepted was suffocating what was right for me. Why did I have to sacrifice my happiness for what society says is right? I was living stifled in self-judgement and fear. While some difficult relationships can open your eyes to new perspectives and expand our awareness, some obviously shut us in and hinder our development. Our intuition will alert us one way or the other. It's important to know when you're in a toxic relationship so you can choose something better for yourself.

Throughout the toxic relationships I've been in, I ignored my intuition in favor of my logical mind, which told me that losing that person was worse than having him/her around. When I began my recovery journey, I slowly found that I was surrounded by vultures. These people in my life had their way with my heart and I had no protection against it. I didn't realize that THEY were the reason for my depression, but it was their treatment of me that brought me down. I was not emotionally equipped to be abused. When we're hurt, we break down. If you're breaking down, chances are you have a few toxic weeds you need to remove from your garden.
Toxic people are all around. About 50 percent of people are considered toxic. I'm finding that to be true. This post will give you a few clues to toxic people so you can avoid getting involved with them. Save yourself the grief and turmoil.

1. They boast and brag about how better they are than everyone else, which, ironically, does not make them better than anyone.
2. They flatter you by giving you an inordinate amount of attention, money or time early on in the relationship.
3. They cannot admit faults or flaws.
4. Disrespect you, do not return your calls/texts, ignore you, avoid you, etc.
5. REFUSE to deal with issues in the relationship that you bring up
6. Blame you when you're upset because of something they did to you (lol what??)
7. Overly agreeable at first
8. Try to make you feel guilty when you're concerned over something they did to disrespect you
9. Mimic you
10. Expect you to always go to them rather than vice-versa
11. Put you down in any way
12. Does not listen to your concerns about the relationship
13. They are OVERLY competitive
14. Try to make you envious by rubbing in their good features
15. Lie to you
16. Talk behind your back/gossip
17. Label/stereotype you
18. Refuse to apologize for wrongs
19. CONSTANTLY criticizing
20. Attempt to tell you how you feel or tell you who you are
21. Defensive about everything you do/say
22. Act like they worship the ground you walk on one day and like you don't exist the next
23. Makes you feel worthless
24. Orders you or bosses you around
25. Is overly reliant on others
26. Won't go out of the way for you, even when you go out of your way for them
27. Belittles you ambitions and goals
28. Speaks negatively about your life
29. If they do something for you, they ALWAYS ask for something in return
30. Never makes time for you
31. Acts as though by talking you you, they're doing you a favor
32. Confusing attitudes that change day-by-day
33. JUDGMENTAL
34. Controlling
35. Has anger or rage towards you without reason
36. Treats you poorly with no explanation
37. Cares about what others think too much
38. Talks bad about people who are hurting, mentally ill, or sick
39. Does not keep word
40. DOES NOT SUPPORT YOU

Toxic people slowly kill you. They kill your positive spirit and play with you mind and emotions. The ONLY cure is to let them go. A toxic person can be anyone; a friend, a parent, a boss, a co-worker, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a teacher. No matter who it is that is toxic in your life, you must set up strong boundaries against them, and potentially remove them from your life. You cannot change them, as much as you think you can, you can't. The tactics of a toxic person siphons away your self-esteem. Life is too short to be depleted by another person. You need all of yourself possible to live your life and grow as a person. If you suspect that someone is toxic, chances are, you're right. The best thing to do is go with your "gut feeling" and trust your intuition. You are a worthwhile person and you deserve to be treated as an equal in a relationship. Remember that eliminating toxic people from your life is not an act of cruelty, it is an act of self-care.