To all the graduating seniors, congratulations. We're proud of you. Finding a potential career after graduation that is well-paid, reasonable, and desirable is, well, practically a myth. Of course, it's unrealistic to believe you'll be offered your dream job within two months of being an adult, but that doesn't stop us college students from wanting it. Here's a list of things that are easier than finding a job post-graduation:
1. Finding cell phone reception during the Stone Age.
2. Stopping a fire in a gunpowder warehouse.
3. Upsetting Ellen Degeneres.
4. Reciting Paradise Lost from memory.
5. Surviving a kidney transplant.
6. Eating a tub of ice cream while being lactose intolerant.
7.Cutting an onion without crying.
8. Watching a Nicholas Sparks movie.
9. Listening to a Nickelback song.
10. Listening to a Nickelback album.
11. Running a marathon.
12. Financing a round-trip to Mars.
13. Buying a Kylie Lip Kit.
14. Catching a ghost.
15. Replicating a fingerprint.
16. Raising a child.
17. Hiking up Mount Everest barefoot.
18. Winning an Oscar.
19. Dancing on a treadmill.
20. Winning the presidential election.
21. Burying a body.
22. Memorizing a dictionary.
23. Breaking up with Chris Pratt.
24. Listening to a dozen screaming toddlers on an airplane.
25. Creating a new language.
26. Burying a body.
27. Finding Waldo in a room full of of Waldo impersonators.
28. Hugging a shark.
29. Getting into Harvard.
30. Licking your elbow.
31. Gluing a broken bottle back together.
32. Singing “Hook” by Blues Traveler in one breath.
33. Making Gordon Ramsey happy.
34. Selling air on craigslist.
35. Winning the lottery twice.
36. Getting struck by lightning.
37. Starting a successful yodeling career.
38. Surviving the Black Plague.
39. Reading a novel backwards.
40. Escaping from Alcatraz.
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