LOL boys. Let me start off by saying boys smell bad. They don't shower as much as they should, and for some reason everything is always a competition. No, I do not want to race eating lunch? And yeah, I'm washing my hands again, why aren't you? They are also so much hairier than girls are. It's on their face, legs, unmentionable places, and even backs?! Ew. Seriously, where does it come from? Boys are like mini Chewbaccas running around town with slightly more normal voices. OH AND PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN.
Also, I am an older sister. Having a younger brother has taught me many things about those pubescent creatures we like to call guys. Now that I'm older I have learned to appreciate those things so much more. It is a lot easier to understand where guys are coming from when you understand these 4 statements that I self-declared universal. Every female on the planet should read, learn, and mold these 4 theories in their minds to prevent future quarrels with guys.
1. Men are SO MUCH more simple than women: Unlike women, men take everything at face value, and will tell you how it is. They do not beat around the bush and over- analyze your behavior like we women do to them (myself included, oops). If a guy says "you look pretty today" he literally means you look pretty today. No, he is not saying you do not look pretty the other days. Just take the compliment and move along with your day, little darling. If you are ever worried about something a guy said to you, think about it on the most superficial level possible and that is what he meant. In all reality, he really just wants a sandwich.
2. Men have just as many feelings as women do: Men are just hardwired to believe that they aren't allowed to show their emotions. Also, can't cry in front of the boys, common man. Just because he is not showing emotions, that doesn't mean he doesn't have any. On top of that, all men handle their feelings differently. One time my brother punched a wall and broke his hand because of a girl. Why didn't he just talk about it, have a nice cry, and move along? Couldn't tell you. Guys are weird. Also, that girl was lame and definitely not worth that cast.
PSA to guys everywhere: if a girl breaks your heart, she sucks and didn't deserve you in the first place. Also try to avoid breaking your hand in the process.
3. Men will always like sports:Don't get me wrong, of course women enjoy sports as well, but guys love sports. I once learned in a psychology class there is a specific reason why girls bond going to the bathroom together and guys bond by being physically active together. I couldn't even tell you the reason why, but there you have it. Those grunts and screams while men watch sports will never go away. Ever. If men could communicate with those grunts and screams on a daily basis they would. Women bond by chit-chatting their days away while men would rather do anything but chat, and just tackle someone in the mud, or something. Cool, dude.
4. Men are competitive: And they always will be. This is why that one sports game was so important. Even though to you (and me) "it is just a game". It is not just a game to guys. This is why your boyfriend acted like such a dick after he lost his intramural flag football game. You might not care the Broncos won and the Eagles lost, but to him it will make or break his day. Aside from sports, this is also why men tend to be more jealous in relationships. Men are competitive with other men and do not want anyone taking what is theirs.
A public thank you to my brother for helping me understand the male species a little more. Even though you guys are hairy, smelly, and yell at TV's, us women love and appreciate you for it.
Now darlings, this is only scratching the surface about men. I do not know much but I know men are not as complicated as we make them to be. But hey, at least now you know to avoid any male who lost their intramural game within the past 24 hours.
They will be grouchy and they might bite: PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
