A few years ago I had to get blood work done and schedule many doctors visits to find out what was going on with my body. From ultrasounds, to blood work to scans it just seemed like they would never know. Then the day came where I heard it come out of my doctor’s mouth: “you have PCOS, also known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.” I didn’t know what to think at the time. I had never heard of this disease and everything was running through my head of what that could be. Once I accepted it and since have learned to live with it. It’s not easy or fun but it’s my life and I’m dealing with it. I’ve learned not only more about myself but about my own disease through this process.

1. Life is changing.

When the words came out of my doctor’s mouth that I had PCOS I was in a slight shock. Growing up you don’t think you are going to get sick or have a disease, but it has happened to me and I'm living with it. I'm not like the normal girl my age, I put on weight faster, lose it slower and my hormones are uneven, but this doesn't define me. I am greater than PCOS and I'm just like girls my age just with a slight setback.

2. You are expected to know lots about your disease.

When I found out I had PCOS I knew nothing about it. I knew just the few facts that my doctor filled me in about. So obviously I wanted to know more so I had to do my research... well my mom did the research. I put on weight easier, lose weight faster, sugar affects me harder than others, my hormones are unbalanced, I have awful anxiety and cysts all over my ovaries. Of course, there are those sights that make it seem worse than usual but it's actually a better feeling knowing other women have it. Reading their stories online is what gives me positivity about PCOS.

3. People think they know the easy cure to your disease.

I'm just going to say this: if I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to just go workout or eat vegetables, I would be rich. PCOS doesn’t really work like that. PCOS works against your body and does what you don’t want it to do. Because my hormones are messed up, my period cycle is not normal. Yeah, the doctor puts us on birth control but at our time of the month you will be like here let me give you stabbing pains and one month it's like walking on clouds. When people say they want my periods sometimes because how easy they are I tell them, no they don't. There is a chance I could not even have my own kids so I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. My hormones are not normal and I wish they were so I could just go about my day. Also, with PCOS comes anxiety… and if you know me you know how anxious I get. I can go from perfectly fine to wanting to crawl into a dark hole and cry. I can't control it, I just have to deal with it.

4. You struggle telling people sometimes.

Somedays I am so open I will tell anyone that wants to know all about having PCOS, but then there are those days I'm embarrassed and don't want to share. Sometimes I just want to seem like the happy-go-lucky girl I am and pretend I don't have this disease, but I do and I have to live with it. PCOS isn't fun but it has made me part of the women I am and if someone wants to know more, just ask me.

5. Sometimes your disease Wins.

Most days I get out of bed and put a smile on my face and you would never know there is anything wrong with me. Then there are those days that I want to block out the world and stay in bed and wish that this wasn't happening to me. There are days I just want to be "normal" and not worry about not having kids in the future at 20 years old even when I'm single as a pringle. There are days I want my anxiety to be gone so I don't have to worry about having a random anxiety attack in the middle of a class. I want to be able to go three months without taking pills, doing blood work or seeing the doctor. There are days that PCOS wins, and I wish I didn't have to say that, but it happens and this is me.