It took me 1,460 days (give or take) to earn a fancy piece of paper, aka my Bachelor of Science degree. Nowadays, it can take anywhere from three to six years for a student to finish their undergraduate degree requirements and be given the honor of walking in the commencement ceremony.
As someone who has finally accomplished that goal, and lived to tell the tale, here are some insider tips as to what actually happens on this elusive and magical day.
Or, you know, inject some reality in to the myth that is graduation.
1. Expect no direction.
If this isn't a sign that it's time to finally "Be a real adult," then I don't know what is. From the time you arrive at the location venue to the time that the commencement ceremony begins, don't expect anything to make sense.
Finding the actual check-in area, let alone trying to meet up with all of your friends before the ceremony, is an adventure in madness that puts Lewis Carroll to shame.
Following the ant-like procession of caps and gowns that your peers have become is the best possible way to both get everything that you need done as well as not completely losing it in the pandemonium before the ceremony.
2. Caps are the worst accessory.
I loved my cap. I undoubtedly spent way too much effort in to decorating my cap.
I ended up absolutely hating my cap because of the simple fact that its entire purpose was to continuously slide off the back of my head.
Not just me, either. Oh no, everywhere in the audience you could see caps slipping and sliding, bobby pins being passed around like currency in an attempt to secure our dearly decorated headwear.
There are two reasons why many college students don't toss their caps at the end of the graduation ceremony anymore.
One of which is that we have spent entirely too much time decorating and becoming attached to our caps to let them fly freely.
The other, is that by the time we get them secured to our head, you can bet that we won't be wasting all that effort by throwing them gaily into the air.
Bobby pins, hair clips, super glue (if you get desperate) are basically a necessity for both men and women who don't want to have their head stuck in a permanent position while the names of your entire graduating class are celebrated.
3. Bring snacks.
So you're nervous, right? Too nervous to eat anything before you leave, too scared of spilling something on your graduation outfit and staining both the clothes and memories for the day.
Or maybe you do eat. Maybe you have your traditional cereal or oatmeal or eggs or whatever it is that gets you through the morning.
Either way, before you're rushed out of the car by your panicked, frazzled or emotionally turbulent family on your big day, snag something to eat. A granola bar, a sandwich, anything. Maybe you aren't hungry now, but one hour and 300 names into the ceremony, you can bet that your stomach will be growling loud enough to drown out the commencement speaker.
Honestly, I can't even remember what my commencement speaker said, or who they were. I was too busy eyeballing the guy eating a bag of trail mix in front of me, and wondering exactly how much of a disruption it would be if I reached over and stole it from him.
4. The tube of lies.
Or folder, or whatever it is that you are handed when you cross that stage. Unfortunately, the diploma that you've worked so hard to actually achieve is not actually in whatever they hand you. Why? Nobody knows. Instead, it is mailed to you at some point after commencement. I guess whoever came up with this procedure figures that since students have waited however long to achieve their diploma, they wouldn't mind waiting a little longer to actually receive it.
I mean, I wouldn't know. I haven't actually got mine yet. But I'm sure it's on its way, and will be here at some point. Hopefully.
Eventually.
It's like a unicorn. An expensive, one hundred grand unicorn of mythic proportions. Sometimes you just gotta believe it's real, even if you can't actually see it.
+1. Exit stage left.
During the entire process of graduation, I wondered if there was something wrong with me.
It seemed like everyone around me was emotional about our Big Day (capital letters necessary). Everyone was talking about how fast the four years went, how they couldn't believe that we were actually graduating.
Through the entire check in, the process of gathering my lei, figuring out which of my friends I was going to sit with, and lining up for our procession, I was in a state of balanced excitement.
I wasn't jittery like a few of my friends about the ending of an era, I wasn't impatient like others in my row. I wasn't even sad like some of the girls I saw tearily embracing each other
I went through the ceremony, paying attention, but feeling disconnected from the hum and buzz of emotions that everyone else displayed.
It wasn't until my row was finally called, until I was walking up the steps of the stage to shake the school president's hand that it hit me hard enough to make me wobble in my ill-advised heels.
Four years of my life, endless hours of studying, late night boba runs and spontaneous beach days with people I had considered family were over.
Everything, from classes I scraped through to professors who were way too cool for their jobs, had finally ended.
Even though, logically, I had known this would happen, it wasn't until I saw myself on the big screen projecting over the audience, until I heard the cheers and whistles from friends and family and fellow graduates that I realized my undergraduate career was finished.
That many of the people, friends who I stayed up with until 3 a.m. with talking about everything from wondering about the existence of aliens, to complaining about the unfair amount of homework we had been assigned, and professors who had shaped and molded my academic career, I would never see after this point in my life.
What I'm trying to tell you, advise you, encourage you to do here is this—
Embrace the chaos that comes, the hat hair you will undoubtedly struggle through, the hunger and boredom and yes, even the lack of a physical diploma that will make you wonder, however briefly, if any of it was worth it.
Because even if you don't realize it yet, after you've got that food you were daydreaming about, or changed in to the comfiest clothes that you have, or maybe a few weeks later when you finally receive your diploma, you'll look back on this day and realize oh.
This chapter of your life is over.
So yeah, maybe the speeches are cheesy and lame, maybe you have grad school coming up the next fall, or maybe you've been dying to finish college ever since the first day you've started.
Take a breath, look around, and remember this moment, these people surrounding you.
Then, exit stage left.
You've got a whole new adventure to begin.