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Relationships

A Combination Of 4 Letters

I'm sorry.

Veronica Faith

Oct 03, 2016

New Brunswick, NJ

Clairehead's Soup

The girl inside of me says I'm sorry a lot. She apologizes for breathing. She apologizes for not being enough. She apologizes for admitting defeat and walking an office and exploding on the first person she finds. She apologizes for hating the color burgundy because it was the color of your fuzzy bedspread that she used to shove between the two of you as a safety precation. She apologizes whenever she feels something in her snap whenever someone who knows the story casually drops his name because after all this time she knows he could demolish her with a single word. She apologizes for reeling whenever a car that looks like yours pulls up next to hers. She apologizes for knowing enough to leave but not knowing how to put her organs back inside her. Some days she feels like her heart beats on the outside of her body and it is your fault that all her emotions and feelings are being played out on a huge scale because if everyone knows everything then there can be no hiding and when you don't hide you can't get hurt because everyone can see through you like you're a clear Tupperware of sadness.

I'm sorry I bumped into you.

I'm sorry I spilled your coffee, here take my scarf.

Oh wait, you're a guy.

I'm sorry I won't sleep with you.

I'm sorry you think that means I'm trying to push you away, here hold my body in your hands.

Oh, but...

That's not what you want?

I'm sorry I say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I smile and say okay and when it's not.

I'm sorry that I texted you one hundred poems at two in the morning, I can't help it someone had to hear them.

I'm sorry for the messes and the times I skipped dinner.

I'm sorry that I'm afraid of your love because in some part of me I'm convinced that you're going to take everything, run, and never come back.

I'm sorry that I can't let things go. I'm sorry that sometimes I don't feel good enough.

I'm sorry that it's hard for me to accept the fact that you told me to wait "one minute" one hour ago.

I'm sorry that all I've listened to for the past week is "Car Radio" by Twenty One Pilots.

I'm sorry that a combination of four letters has completely redefined how I think of you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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A Combination Of 4 Letters

I'm sorry.

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Here are just a few of those things.

Take the time to thank that one friend in your life you will never let go of.

1. Thank you for being the one I can always count on to be honest.

2. Thank you for accepting me for who I am.

3. Thank you for teaching me what real love feels like.

4. Thank you for always making sure I'm safe.

5. Thank you for going through things with me.

6. Thank you for teaching me to take care of myself.

7. Thank you for going out of your way to make me feel supported.

8. Thank you for always being there to back me up, even when you know I'm wrong.

9. Thank you for constantly pushing me to live up to my potential.

10. Lastly, thank you for making such a huge impact on my life.

It sucks, but you’ll make it through

1. Please just be seasonal allergies

2. I must not have gotten enough sleep last night

3. I’ll just take a little nap

4. Oh no, I have so much due tomorrow!

5. I’m fine, I’ll just sleep it off

6. Do I have to be responsible today?

7. Ugh no, I can’t actually be sick

8. Alright, I’ll take some medicine and I’ll be fine

9. This is the worst day of my life

10. Mom?

11. She was right (like always)

12. Too bad you're busy and can’t take the day off tomorrow

13. You think about taking the day off, but realize you have like three tests

14. You think you're actually going to be sick forever

15. Finally, you're better!

Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

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