Many times people hear “depression” and they think of someone who is a total buzz kill to be around. However, that’s not actually the truth. Yes, those of us who suffer from depression have a tendency towards chronic sadness, but that’s not how we are 24/7. In fact, most of us enjoy laughing and doing normal things without any inclination that we are even remotely upset. That’s what makes depression so scary though. Despite us who suffer being able to function, the “sad person” idea is flawed. Depression is SO MUCH more than just being sad. Depression is a parasite.
Depression doesn’t just make you sad, it makes you feel empty.
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There’s this complete zombie-like aspect that is a constant part of your life. Even when you’re laughing and smiling with your friends, you don’t actually feel happy. You put on this smiling face, when sometimes you just want to cry more than anything. Yet, you don’t have any reason to cry, or really even be sad. It’s like being a husk of a human. You don’t feel anything, but also feel too much at the same time. It all becomes a mess in your head and there’s no sorting it out; so you learn to live with the dead-like feeling. You learn to walk through life putting band aids and duct tape over the emotional seams breaking throughout your very being.
Despite being a mental illness, depression can cause you to be physically sick.
Yes, that is true, it is NOT a myth. Depression makes you so tired that getting out of bed to go the bathroom. You lose your appetite, and you just sit there moving the food on your plate around until you can muster up the ability to eat. It gives you such horrible headaches that even the strongest headache medicine can’t help. Simple things become some very hard tasks because you feel like a ton of bricks are being carried around on your back. You can’t really do anything but just lay and hope that it passes soon.
Depression hurts your loved ones.
It’s hard to explain why you feel the way you do when there is no reason you’re actually feeling down. So you desperately try to explain how you’re just having a bad day. Unfortunately, depression can make a “bad day” turn into a bad week, a bad month, sometimes even a bad year. Asking your loved ones to be patient as you try to pull yourself out of this mental hole is devastating, especially when you simply can’t pull yourself up. You just hope that your friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. will still be there when you get better, but for many people the reality is that the sufferer will have lost many people in the duration of the “bad season”. We always know it’s hard to understand, and it makes us feel like a burden. How can we ask for you to understand when we already feel like a burden?
Nothing is worse than the self-loathing though.
Your depression is like a track set on repeat. Except it’s not a pleasant tune; it’s a song of constant self-hate. You tell yourself that no one will ever love you because you can’t love yourself. You hear the words of those who don’t understand constantly saying “just be happy” “just smile” “get over it”. You sit in bathroom stalls, crying, hoping that no one hears you because how can you explain how you feel to someone else when even you don’t understand it. You silently hate yourself because anytime you try to express your feelings you hear the same things: “you have no reason to hate yourself” “you’re perfect as you are” “ignore the people who are rude”. We know you mean well, but the words are empty to us. We’ve heard those words our whole life.
So, what should you do for someone with depression?
Be patient. We know that sometimes that’s so hard to do, especially in the “bad season”, but it WILL pass. It takes time. Don’t tell give us empty words, instead try: “I don’t understand how you feel, but I will support you.” “I don’t know how I can help, but I will listen.” A common misconception is that we want you to fix it. No, that’s what counseling is for, but we do want you to just listen. Don’t feel like you have to give encouragement because sometimes we just need to vent. The best thing is to hold your advice until we ask for it because honestly, there’s not a word of advice you can give that we haven’t already heard. Just love us, don’t get frustrated when we can’t “just be happy”. Love, patience, and a listening ear go much further than “you don’t need to hate yourself” or “just smile, it might help”
I've provided some resources to help those of you who need help or encouragement:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
How To Help Someone With Depression
Mental Health Hotline Numbers and Referral Resources
