In my eyes, there is only one health food store that matters: Whole Foods. Trader Joe's? Eh, not enough selection. The Fresh Market? No thank you, I prefer to shop where they turn the lights on.
Going to Whole Foods is like going to Disney World. I am smiling from ear to ear leading up to it, I get caught up and spend too much money, and then leave with a feeling of peace and resolve, already anticipating my next trip. Here are a few thoughts I have every time I walk into Whole Foods.
1. Wow, the new Suburu Outback is lookin' right.
2. Do I need a cart? No, I'm just grabbing a few things.
3. Floral arrangements! OMG so pretty, I will stop by on my way out. My mom would love this.
4. Wait, maybe I should look now, before my hands get too full.
5. I'm not a kid...can I still grab a free banana from the basket for while I shop?
6. Just pretend you do this all the time.
7. Ugh, this is some high quality produce…maybe grab a few things.
8. Okay, I should probably grab a cart before I get too far from the front door. Just in case.
9. That girl is so fit-looking, I bet this is the only store she shops at.
10. I should totally start doing yoga.
11. Essential oils are on sale!
12. I should also start doing only homeopathic treatments. Who needs Advil when you have lemongrass oil?
13. Wait, why is there fudge on the medicine aisle? Oh…that’s fancy soap.
14. My aunt would love this fancy soap. I should buy her some.
15. Not for $11 I shouldn’t.
16. I smell smoked pork I must be getting close to the hot bar.
17. Wow, that dairy-free cheese actually looks edible.
18. Oh look, the coffee bar, I haven’t had any coffee in almost three hours so…
19. “One large cold-brew please, with vanilla flavoring.”
20. THERE’S THE HOT BAR
21. Okay I’ll just look at what they have today.
22. I might be hungry later…
23. I’ll just get the small box, so that I don’t put too much food in.
24. Okay well it’s $8.99 a pound and this is probably what, a quarter pound? I’m golden.
25. I need to get out of here before I spend any more money.
26. But not before I grab a sticky bun from the dessert case.
27. God, it smells so good in here, like fresh cut grass, cinnamon, and Veganism.
28. Alright, I’m ready for checkout.
29. This girl looks so happy. I should apply here. I wonder what kind of discount they get.
30. This is adding up quite quickly….
31. My hot bar box was 2.7 pounds?!
32. Oh Lord.
33. Oh God.
34. I spent $75 on essential oils and two meals.
35. Oh well, it’s healthy.
36. Next time, I’ll budget.
37. It’s so worth it to be nourishing my body with healthy foods.
38. I’ll be back tomorrow, probably.
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